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Monday, May 13, 2013


My older sister has informed me that she suspects her eczema are getting worse because of the carpet. Ever since we moved, her eczema has acted up, we thought it was the weather. I think she may be right. She told me we need to go back to Canada in August to look for another apartment. Of course I am not happy to switch apartments, and even unhappier that we might leave kuwait in Ramadan or Eid. I really wanted to spend the holidays with my family. How troublesome.
My sister also got angry at me on the phone for arguing against coming so early to canada. I didn't really argue, but I was wondering if it could be done after eid. She told me she was also angry at my lack of reaction. I understand what she requests but I don't know how I'm supposed to react more. Do I gasp in surprise at the news of the source of her agitation? or do It leap for joy that we will be moving again? Perhaps groan in despair at our situation? I don't understand what I'm supposed to do, so I like to play it safe and wait.
My younger sister did have a small fight with me from my lack of intimate behavior. She tells me that I don't tell her I miss her back, or that I love her back. I just find such situations awkward and I can't really miss her when i'm with her. She wants me to hug her more and listen and react more. I do listen but I suppose it's that I don't enjoy intimate interactions.

I think this is why my hair cut turned out to be such a mess. My passive behavior disallowed me to inform the barber that I wanted my hair shorter. To oppose to her when I heard the word orange. To express in better words exactly what I wanted of her.
It isn't that I don't react, or don't act. God knows i stared in shock at a woman's outfit turning back to gawk at her bright blue spanx. I suppose in these situations I feel free enough to do as I please, but with verbal communication. I feel as if i'm stepping on a landmine, anything and everything can be held against me, people can easily misunderstand me, and I have the habit of making bad things worse.

I really don't want to turn out to be like this Kasuga from Aku no Hana. Pathetic and psychotic.

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