First Full-time Job

I hate it.

I hate not seeing my friends on a weekly basis.

I hate not having enough time to even talk to my online friends. I hate that I don't have time to do anything.

I haven't worked on my youtube channel, I haven't been cleaning properly, I haven't been able to apply to jobs.

My only escape is the mangas I read, and I keep running out.

I switched to Kafka recently, but he turns out to be a zionist.

Which makes me further hate my job, because of all the cognitive dissonance. It conflicts with the fact that I'm not supposed to be selling alcohol!!!

I'm trying to donate all the money associated with it. kaffara. repentance for my sins.

I hope I can get accepted into the writing centre. It's a mere part time job, but if I can just get that, I will be able to quit this job. I can't do this one. I can't keep supporting selling of alcohol, and commuting with zionist customers that tell me their credit card is "israeli" and buy sabra hummus when it's clearly arabic food.

I hate it.

I hate how isolated work is when there's a queue. I hate that I'm not always confidant with what I say or do in this job.

I want something better. I want to support local, support muslims, support arabs.

I want to teach and benefit others. I want to be respected in my job and not have to get yelled at every other day.

I honestly hate volunteering too. It's becoming a job that I don't get paid for. It's becoming a chore. I have to attend meetings, have to help out. Yet, I feel useless in these volunteer tasks.

I hate feeling useless.

I want to make a difference in someone's life.

I want to have more than 2 hours a day to myself.

Bees

This Tuesday, my one day off for the week, I got stung on the eye by a bee!


Yep!

I was facepainting the deck when my sister screamed and ran indoors.

I figured she was scared of the bee that was now hovering in front of my face. I stood still, and it got in my hijab.

panicked by the buzzing, I threw my hijab and glasses off. When I felt it pinch at my eye,  I jumped off the 6 foot ladder. I looked at the dizzies bee on the ground before another one appeared.

I just ran indoors not wanting to be swarmed.

and it fucking followed me to the bathroom. I saw it resting on my pocket in which I brushed it off and closed the bathroom behind me, trapping it in there.

Apparently my sister had grabbed the bee and it stung her hand in response.  This is why the bees attacked me as well.


Now I know, I'm not allergic to bees.