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Thursday, June 20, 2019

First Clinical Placement Reflection & Review

At the hospital ward, my patients were mostly liver transplant patients, IMCU, acute care, or AKI/dialysis patients. There were also the general surgery patients that occasionally dropped by in IMCU/ step down. I spent the first couple of weeks observing and taking in the many different procedures patients underwent, the process my preceptor used to see and prioritize her patients, and assisting a little bit in mobilizations of X3 assist patients.
During my placement, I familiarized myself with charting progress notes in the form of SOAP notes. I learned a lot about my treatment options and procedures.
For a day, I observed two surgical procedures; 1) a lateral thoracotomy for a mass removal of a benign tumour. I got to hold the tumour at the end, it was bigger than the size of my fists. It looked like an organ of its own as it had blood vessels growing all around it. It was a surreal experience, and at times, I did consider if a path as a surgeon. especially since the MCAT score has been lowered as a prerequisite. It made me feel rather gloomy for a bit, but then I looked at the facts. Doctor spend a lot of time behind paper work, much like physiotherapists, and they spend more than double the time studying and in debt prior to work. I can barely handle this two year program. 2) I witnessed a VATS procedure for a pneumocotomy. I then followed the tumour to the labs and watched the pathologist cross freeze sections of a metastasized tumour. I lowkey contaminated her office with the tumour too. yikes!
Over the six weeks, I went through a radiology tour to see how patients get cast fittings for radiology treatment and watched a couple of CAT scans. I also attended two weekly rounds, liver transplant rounds and patient ward rounds.
            I spent most of the time with patients who were assist X3 and later became competent enough to lead the mobilization of an assist X4 wheel chair to bed using a hoyer lift. I feel confident using the hoyer lift and organizing lines, drains, and tubed from the sheer volume of them I had worked with. I wrote new consults for new patients, and collaborated a lot with the staff in the hospital, specially the nurses in IMCU. I visited and worked four days in the ICU with acute care patients, respiratory failure patients, etc. I saw one patient progress from ICU to IMCU to a general ward room, and I saw a couple of patients regress due to deconditioning and multiple surgical procedures. For one day, I joined another physiotherapist in the thoracic and oncology units I set up goals with a demotivated patient, in which she followed afterwards. I sat in on my CI’s liver transplant outpatient meetings, in which I noted the effects liver failure has on patients such as jaundice, unfocussed eyes, muscle wasting, etc. I’ve been exposed to a wide variety of patients and cases, except paediatrics.
            I definitely feel confident and competent in mobilizing acute care patients from stand by assist to X4 assist. I did not, however, see or use enough breathing techniques, secretion techniques, or auscultations. Also, my subjective history taking skills have a lot of room for improvement. I was told by my preceptor that my soft skills are all there, communication, professionalism, compassion, etc. and that my hard skills will take some time as I gain more experience. I would definitely recommend this placement and my preceptor for future students, because I enjoyed this placement a lot. There were so many learning opportunities, but I feel that I learned the most I can by the end of it. I do wish I could have seen even more surgical procedures, they were the best.
It also worked out beautifully that I went at 8:20 am and left at 2 pm during Ramadan! I spent a lot of time sleeping, that's for sure.




Peace,
Peace,
M.D.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

2018

I have not posted anything in this year, despite it being a great year.

As I stated in Despair, between the call centre job, the job and masters' applications, volunteer, grieving, and self worthlessness I was feeling, my mental health detoriated.

I continued applying to jobs, maybe a 100 applications were sent. I got accepted into a "financial services industry" which I might discuss more in five more years.

In this job transition, a man was interested in me, but I rejected him within two weeks.

Once accepted in the new job, I quickly quit the call centre.

I learned I was an INTJ personality, which was mind blowing for me. It really helped me shape and understand who I am and normalize my behaviour and emotions.

The hard work, hours, and efficiency I put into my job earned me the position of supervisor within 6 months.

I could have gotten there faster had I been more aggressive. Something I loved in that job, was I was being so appreciated. I was encouraged to be more aggressive and assertive instead of criticized for it.

But it wasn't perfect, and it had a glass ceiling.

I learned a lot in that job. I took many skills I never thought I would learn, such as reading computer cookies, and tracking accounts and activities through these cookies. I worked in Security and Investigations and I loved that it was challenging.

I ended up teaching it to others too and getting privileges in the company.

I also travelled to Hamilton for an interview, met with an online friend and got accepted at both Masters' programs I wanted from the very first application cycle, despite being late to both interviews.

I had given up on myself, but God hadn't given up on me.

Once I got accepted in the program, I talked to the director of the company. The only person higher than him, is the CEO himself.

He let me know that I'm welcome to work part-time, a position that did not exist in the company. He told me that he was surprised and disappointed with management that I wasn't promoted already. And that he was impressed with the comments I made in the group chats.

Managers I worked with were also impressed by me, and quite shocked to discover I'm a woman (communication is done through chatting and I have a unisex name). This always made me laugh in the office as it happened several times.

I just loved being appreciated, learning new things with minimal pressure/stress, and being useful to others.

I passed the first semester in physiotherapy through the skin of my teeth. It was not easy for me, as I do not have a kin. background, nor did I do honours. 15% of the class had failed and was asked to reapply the following year, but I wasn't one of them.

The isolation I felt from my classmates during the first semester only magnified in the second. However, I passed this semester too and onto placements!

Key messages: Be yourself, shamelessly. It too, shall pass.

Peace,
M.D.

First Physiotherapy Placement

Let's just say, it was not half as stressful as the course we took.

The first placement is a cardioresp. placement. It's in acute care unit in the hospital.

I was so anxious about it that I've been dreaming of falling teeth and professors for the past couple of days, but it wasn't stressful at all.

I need to write down my objectives, hit up some errands, and stop being so pushy.


Tomorrow, we will watch Avengers: Endgame.

Peace,
M.D.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Despair

I'm absolutely miserable and stressed all the time.

My resting heart rate which was typically around 55-63 bpm is 84 bpm today. I understand part of it is the fact I'm not exercising anymore, but I can feel it elevated in my chest.

My palpitations increased due to this stress, I catch myself sighing heavily often specially since my coworker pointed it out. I've been getting heart burn quite a lot too, though that may not be related.

I can't say it's like the MCAT days...because it isn't. But it's applications seasons. Focussing heavily on physiotherapy and orthoptics. Though, between the two, I'm honestly not sure which I would enjoy more. I think orthoptics.

I decided I will have to ask to be put on part time starting next year. If they refuse, then I'll hand in my resignation letter.

My mom and sis are travelling tomorrow. So, I will most likely be cooking again and maybe cleaning.

The GRE is on Monday. Did I study for it? hah! Do I have a shot? HAHA!

I actually cry a lot too. I haven't cried a lot lately, this month and the one prior, but this Monday I went to career counselling, I cried three times in her office that she recommended I see an actual counsellor.

I'm no longer grieving over the MCAT, but I feel like I'm in a pit of despair. No time to hang out with the friends I still have here, no time for myself, no career, no good job, not in any program.

The only pro I have is that I saved $3,000 this year, but that's it.

That's all I have done. All that I accomplished this year. Pitiful.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

First Full-time Job

I hate it.

I hate not seeing my friends on a weekly basis.

I hate not having enough time to even talk to my online friends. I hate that I don't have time to do anything.

I haven't worked on my youtube channel, I haven't been cleaning properly, I haven't been able to apply to jobs.

My only escape is the mangas I read, and I keep running out.

I switched to Kafka recently, but he turns out to be a zionist.

Which makes me further hate my job, because of all the cognitive dissonance. It conflicts with the fact that I'm not supposed to be selling alcohol!!!

I'm trying to donate all the money associated with it. kaffara. repentance for my sins.

I hope I can get accepted into the writing centre. It's a mere part time job, but if I can just get that, I will be able to quit this job. I can't do this one. I can't keep supporting selling of alcohol, and commuting with zionist customers that tell me their credit card is "israeli" and buy sabra hummus when it's clearly arabic food.

I hate it.

I hate how isolated work is when there's a queue. I hate that I'm not always confidant with what I say or do in this job.

I want something better. I want to support local, support muslims, support arabs.

I want to teach and benefit others. I want to be respected in my job and not have to get yelled at every other day.

I honestly hate volunteering too. It's becoming a job that I don't get paid for. It's becoming a chore. I have to attend meetings, have to help out. Yet, I feel useless in these volunteer tasks.

I hate feeling useless.

I want to make a difference in someone's life.

I want to have more than 2 hours a day to myself.

Bees

This Tuesday, my one day off for the week, I got stung on the eye by a bee!


Yep!

I was facepainting the deck when my sister screamed and ran indoors.

I figured she was scared of the bee that was now hovering in front of my face. I stood still, and it got in my hijab.

panicked by the buzzing, I threw my hijab and glasses off. When I felt it pinch at my eye,  I jumped off the 6 foot ladder. I looked at the dizzies bee on the ground before another one appeared.

I just ran indoors not wanting to be swarmed.

and it fucking followed me to the bathroom. I saw it resting on my pocket in which I brushed it off and closed the bathroom behind me, trapping it in there.

Apparently my sister had grabbed the bee and it stung her hand in response.  This is why the bees attacked me as well.


Now I know, I'm not allergic to bees.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Raccoons and bees

Got stung by a bee on the eye yesterday while painting the deck..
.
.
.
.
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Today I meet a raccoon for the very first time.


I am just...confused and tired from a long day. Shall update about this later.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

On Call

First day on the floor of full time job. I'm pooped.

I've got two screamers already, quite unreasonable bunch. People have told me that I have had some bad luck.

Let's go back in time for the rest of the day because I'm tired for several reasons.

I went to see my friend who's leaving to BC tomorrow and help her out with some stuff and pick up some good items.

Ended up taking a small heater, a cute blanket, lots of nail polish, bed cover thingers, some heeled boots and a car snow scraper. I took a bunch of other things but those are my most valued items I took today. Yesterday I took a few pieces too which were really great.

I do feel bad for not paying her and not giving her a gift or even paying for her lunch at Sushi Nami. I was planning on doing so but she ordered ramen made of pork and I felt bad. I did pay for the dessert at DQ's though. But that wasn't nearly enough.

I think I will get her a Skagen watch for her birthday. Should be coming up soon!

I helped her pack a box to give to Value Village then drove her to get her license renewed but we both ended up wasting our time there. bleh!

She wasn't able to give me her research assistant job with Jones because Jones said she doesn't need any assistance for the next month. So.....bummer! I wanted more moneys.

Anyways, it was just really sad. I hate that she's leaving. I have never had such great friends until university and now they're upgrading in life and moving on and it just upsets me a bit. At the same time I am happy for them and wish them the best of luck.

I was 15 minutes late to work, no service to contact them either. Got right on there in calls. I don't know how I'm functioning, I'm so tired. It's just ...half are normal people, the other half are just a bunch of weirdos. Like I said, I got two screamers, and my last person was a rambler. I can't say I heard half of it.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!


Peace,
MD

Friday, August 11, 2017

First Fulltime

I have been FINALLY hired!

Gosh, I must've applied to a 100 positions or so in the past couple of months! I only managed to get 4 interviews, including CHINA (I was desperate). I've been even rejected from staples, in which an interview was not even given.

My ideal would have been that one Research Assistant job where I could have delved into research, scientific writing, customer service, and administration.
However, I was accepted into this one amazing call centre who has a client that is based in NYC!

So, no matter how much I mess up, I will never really meet said customers. In fact, I may even talk with celebrities (doubt it).

what's amazing is how nice everyone is so far. All colleagues seem nice, we met the VP on the first training day, we have been told to reach out for help whenever needed, and everything is being realistic and straight forward. I love that.

I'm supposed to be paid 12$ an hour, it's full time, 2 weeks paid vacation, and my benefits will kick in in 3 months!

I asked to switch to the night shifts only, and I will get 13$/hr for that! Which is great! that way I free up my mornings for volunteering and hopefully if my friend passes her research assistant job to me, it would be glorious experience.

My resume is gonna get hyped, but what's great is that I feel so much more relaxed now. I feel like I have some aspect of control over my life. I'm slowly crawling out of the valley of despair and making peace and amends with the fact that I will never be a doctor.

It's hard, but at least even if I do not get accepted into any type of program or masters next year, I will still have a paying job.


Truely, Alhamdulellah.

Peace,
M.D.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

BusyBusyBusy

I sit writing this at three in the morning.

but, I haven't quite gotten a couple of hours to myself for two weeks now.

First my Stats assignment, then studying for the exam, then my final. The day after, my sister and I cleaned the house for 8 hours straight because my family was coming from Kuwait.

The following day, it was some more tidying up and errands. Of course, I dropped my sister off at around 7:30-8:00 am then went back to sleep after I got home. I didn't sleep more than six hours altogether.
First day of Eid, I only slept for a solid 2 hours before I went to eid prayer at my university's football field. It was a shame my lil sis couldn't come. I love eid prayer because you really see the muslim community together. Dad met Alex for the first time, it was neither good nor bad, it went well, better than expected, but with my dad it can spiral either way. Now we have to play our cards right. Mom and I had to break down the conversation in the car to my sister, and I threw my mom under the bus so my sister wouldn't sound too bad. She got the hint and followed through with what I started and then later she apologized to mom, who said it was a smart move. We ate at Corra's where I left hungry and agitated that my sister kept offering my food to others because it was plenty in her eyes. Then we went shopping for furniture. (the house is empty)

Next day, my uncle and his family were to come from Toronto, so I cooked enough for 11 people, only to find out my uncle milked it and wasn't coming at 5 pm like I was told, but 11 pm. I also burnt my elbow by pressing it against the oven pan. I also applied to 12 Tutoring/teaching jobs abroad.

Today, I applied to another job... I dropped my sister off for the second time to her job, then I couldn't buy any gift for my sister's upcoming birthday because all the stores were closed that early in the morning. So, I waited until Spencer's opened, and the merchandise was disgusting. I also couldn't go downtown because dad called saying that my uncle wanted to switch to another motel because this one was bad. What's weird is that my dad's paying, and he could have at least googled or searched good places in the month he knew he was coming.
I did get fatayer, not the best, maybe just the meat. My dad was pretty hostile towards my mom. We went to P. cove. my dad and uncle were rather loud and embarrassing I had to tell them to be quiet a few times. My cousins and I took a bunch of pictures and climbed about the rocks there. Then we went to a memorial then to a place to make coffee for my uncle. Except said place they decided to sit in, has a no trespassing sign, so mom ended up leaving them and sitting with us on the public bench. She disliked doing anything immoral in front of us as to not leave a bad image or look like a hypocrite so we don't lose her respect. It reminded me of Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird. Mom refuses I buy the book, but I think I will.

Afterwards, we got home, they got 4 lobsters, some fish, and also yesterday's leftovers to make and eat. Then we played uno, spoons, and cheater. It was fun. I heard the older folks laughing downstairs, when it quite I wanted to join them, but all I saw was mom and dad yelling then mom walked out for a smoke to calm herself which really bothered me. My mom is very stoic. I sometimes wish my parents would divorce, but I feel I'm in no place financially to do that.

It's just unfortunate. and I know it's because of grandma, but it's not just one persons actions.

Anyhow, today was the last day of eid. I will try to buy a gift tomorrow somehow after we go berry picking.

Peace,
M.D.