RIP Brain

You know you're tired as fuck when you take your bar of soap and put liquid soap over it before you wash your hands.

You know you're tired when you put food on your plate, turn the micorwave on, then realize your food is still outside.

Yes, I did both after coming back from Quebec in a 12 hour car ride!

Revi's B-day!

Yesterday was a super busy day; I woke up early to go practice karate at the dojo. I got punched in the face by the "amazon" and learned how to sweep kick, which was amazing. I also got my heart palpitations in the class, but I didn't sit it out, because I felt awkward about it.

Afterwards we celebrated Revi's Birthday and we ate outside and had the best toffee cake pudding thing ever. Then we walked home, which was absolutely exhausting.

The whole day was tiring and I ended up taking a three hour nap. I was too tired to even wait for my phone to shut off so I can turn it on again! Then I studied a bio chapter and went to sleep. Was a very restful sleep in which I had some odd dreams.

MCAT: And so it begins

I just wanna update this a bit by saying I got my palpitations twice on the fourteenth in karate while attempting to semi-free and free spar.
I also have started studying the MCAT with Grace since my test is on June 20 and today I officially stopped volunteering to the Hand Care Program at the hospital because I can not jungle karate, MCAT, and two volunteers, and also Grace's volunteer time. So, our volunteers combined have eaten out our friday and Wednesday. Karate is either at 7pm or 10 am, so, I will give it a try tomorrow to see if I can train a bit before nationals.
My other volunteer is with a third Japanese girl who is sweet like the rest of 'em. I've already met with her three times. I wish not to come out too strong on her, but it's hard not to when there's little to talk about.
With Grace, we are doing somewhat okay with all the topics except physics. We don't know where  in God's name to even ...like...we need tutors!
Plus, each chapter, regardless of the subject, is taking an average of 3 hours to do! So, we decided to study two chapters each day, everyday until the second week of June, then I have to do a lot of exams and tests and such.
She's really good to study with, but augh, I hate studying, and seeing her every single day for like forty days is gonna kill me. I love her and all, but I want at least one weekend!!!

Peace,
M.D.

Karate Provincials 2015

Woke up at 7:40 am, and I didn't even want to get up. I just wanted to sleep because I was still tired from lack of sleep, Friday's double exams, and Thursday's karate practice.

Thankfully, Travis picked me and Justin up, otherwise I would have had to wake up earlier, and I would have also went to the wrong location!

We practiced our team kata for half an hour, and then out of nervousness, I tugged too hard on my gi and ripped it off its tie. Not much harm done though, I have a spare at home, thankfully.

It was a three way tie for third place for kata for me, so we redid the match and of course I lost.

Kumite was next, and since I'm a brown belt, it was free sparring. I never free sparred other than that one time on Thursday with Travis.

there were two girls who looked really good and aggressive, one was an Asian girl who went from yellow belt to brown in one day. The other girl looked equally bad ass, they were warming up well too, you can just tell by the way they were warming up. Two girls looked pretty weak and frail and one of my friends wasn't even planning to fight and was not registered, but sensei insisted and peer pressured her into it. She caved in and agreed. 

I went against the weakest looking one, and she kept backing away from because she was visibally scared and shaking. I felt so bad that I was even against her. I scored half a point and won that match. Of course the two fierce girls won theirs, leaving one in tears. 

To be honest, after winning the first round, I felt more relaxed about the whole thing. I stood my ground, everyone didn't expect it to happen. My sister and everyone said it was "very intense" and that we were "at each other's throats". It was quite thrilling. I was relaxed and fully aware of what i was doing and I knew when I was being attacked and how to respond, but a lot of times my body just didn't! something I have anticipated.

To see which of the three of us would qualify for first, second and third, we ALL fought each other. It was so much fun. It was a point match, whoever scores most in 2 minutes wins. In one of the fights, I was tied with the girl up until the last 30 seconds in which she got me.
While fighting with the Asian girl, we kicked each other's kicks, it was absolutely wicked. Then when the judge called us out to stand at our lines like this:

We were at the lines, but we were both still in sparring positions that the judge told us to loosen up, or relax or to not be so tense. Then we looked at each other and stood up smiling at our eagerness like little aggressive idiots. It was funny. Sparring was really fun with those two girls, even though I lost both matches. I came in third, but regardless, I was congratulated by my friends and senseis and even one of the judges came to me telling me that I did great, but the only reason why my punches weren't scoring points was because they were hook punched to the head, instead of straight jabs or straight punches. So, it was my form, not my performance. 

Also, travis' nose was bruised from the other day, that his sensei was impressed I did that. Can't believe I bruised a man's nose with gloves on. Quite scary.

It was fun, I wasn't sure if I had it in me and now I know! I like to spar and to face paint! 

Also, since there was only one other team competing for coloured team kata, we managed to win first place. 

My legs were killing me, I tripped on the stairs and fell back on my seat and I did end up cutting my upper lip on the inside, but it didn't bleed much and i was a bit raw.

Also, my sis was only able to record my first fight with the girl that was petrified. Then the phone hanged on her while she was videotaping my third fight, causing it not to record then my second fight's video would not even play as it says it does not exist. This made me really upset and frustrated 'cause I really wanted to see myself spar and see what I did, and what everyone thought was so amazing. Was it that I took them off by surprise, or was it that I was that good, or was it cause I was clashing a lot and didn't back down.

I wish not to discuss the rest, for it was sad.

Quote of the day: Hairy White Guy

my sis and I are watching Downton Abbey; a great drama set in the early 20th century England. It talks about a lord and lady who are trying to find an heir and there are many scandalous events and juicy gossip. Anywho, in this one scene the maid and man are on their honeymoon, and so they're laying topless beneath the sheets.

So, my sister says: Ew, he's white, he's fat, and he's hairy all over. It's like having sex with bread...but it's hairy!

I died at that.
Peace,
M.D.

Kaneki Dream

I had a nice dream tonight, it has been a while since I had an enjoyable dream.
Okay, so in a way, it wasn't "nice" but rather...I liked it!


I dreamt about Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul. I dreamt that he was suffering some PTSD from Jason and that he was unable to focus on his mission because he kept seeing Jason everywhere and remembering the torture. So, in order for him to overcome this, two men in his group decided to rein act the events that occurred with Kaneki and Jason in order to spur Kaneki to fight back and try to get over what has happened to him. So, while he wasn't tied to a chair the way it was in the manga, he was on a bed with two men with long white hair. The slimmer one held him Kaneki down while the other man lay on top, but there was no intense torture. It was just Kaneki fighting his suppressed memories, screaming and thrashing on the bed. It was amazing.

There was also more to the dream, but this is the part I enjoyed. Just watching Kaneki suffer a different form of anguish in my dreams. <3

Peace,
M.D.

Reporting

Got palpitations on Tuesday, got my period today. Three hours of agonizing pain, and I couldn't sleep, but hey I didn't throw up!
My sis practically cleaned the whole apartment then made veggie wraps. love her!

Shards of Glass

Heart palpitations on Thursday in karate practice while kicking Justin. Thankfully, when it was his turn to practice aiming at my stomach, my palpitations stopped. Not sure how much, if at all, I should push myself during an episode.

I also went to sleep with my hands dry, then dreamt of broken shards of glass poking inside the skin and out of the other side. It was disgusting and painful. Even when i woke up, I can still remember the places of some of the shards.

Feelings,

...nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

I didn't know thinking about a guy makes you lose your appetite.
What hurts the most isn't crushing on a guy, but knowing the guy that you're crushing on likes you and tells you he loves you but you can't tell him anything, or be together. It hurts even more that he thinks about the same things I do, but he's not for me. I feel like a whore in a way... maybe i was way too friendly in our conversations.
He actually thinks I'm too good for him...it's so augh...why. what if I only like people because they tell me they like me. This is why I think I'm a whore, I feel like I only like the way some men make me feel because just a few days ago I was insanely thinking of another guy. I want to so much.. but, what if it's for all the wrong reasons? I'm sure two days from now I'll come back to reality and he too will go back to his reality.
It's so hard too, feeling like this uptight bitch but at the same time leads men on. A tease that intrigues the interest but never satisfies.
I want to tell him everything in my head and everything he wants to know, but I can't. I know I'll regret it, and it will only hurt us more.
I just have to keep staring at their flaws until I look at them as nothing other than another friend.

Dream of being Chased

I dreamt I was somewhere outside with several university students having fun, face painting and such. Then I was going to take a ride home with a guy and he left me in his car alone and at that moment 6 men surrounded the car and started bothering me. I left the car and ran off to where my friends were located. I told them a group of men were following me and they had my back, my korean friend tried to distract them as I hid and escaped, i even tried karate moves on them. Some worked, some were futile. At one point I went half way home then returned because it was unsafe to leave the vehicle because they stalked me there too. Half of them were arab too and they were relentless on trying to get me. It was so scary, specially after my friends had to go home and I had less and less people to cover for me and help me out.
I resorted to calling an online friend for help, instant butthead velocity at which he sympathized over the phone with me and told me it seems like I'm in a bad situation. While talking to him I hung up by accident because I was once again found and started running off quickly. My biology professor took notice of this and asked me if they were bothering me. I answered "yes" and he was starting to call the cops when I woke up.
It was creepy dream, scary, but not scary. I felt helpless. I hated it.

On other news, it snowed in today so no school!

Peace,
M.D.