Thoughts

I'm really upset...and I can't be upset now, because my sister might come soon. I don't know who to vent to. I already messaged 4 guys, but only one is replying...I don't wanna tell him something's wrong..I already complain a lot to him.. and he scarcely ever complains to me..This is not fair.
 I'm just hungry..

I wish my stupid sis would just bring her ass over here so I can eat and lock myself up in my room. I wonder if someone in real would love me...I wonder if I even want him to. I feel so much more comfortable chatting than talking, I dread phone calls. I just want to do anything and everything I want, but I feel it would be wrong...cause i I can't walk around telling people I do it, then it can't be right. I'm so weird..
Would be nice if one of my online friends decide to convert to islam and marry me. would be nicer if we continue just chatting after the marriage....but it's so ridiculous that I can't even bring myself to write the rest. I suppose this is just one of my psychotic fantasies. The longer I live with my sister the more I think that I'm this horrible cold person...it grosses me out when she hugs me..will I be like that with my husband too? Give him awkward hugs....by force..
Why don't I even like hugs