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Sunday, February 8, 2015


I really hate myself. Fought with sis again, over something ridiculously stupid. But I wanted to let her know it bothers me that whenever she forgets or doesn't have time to do something I would have to be the backup. The stupid gift, we both had to wake up early and I told her I'd be coming back home to shower and get dressed after karate, but she thought it would be enough time to wrap a gift.
She only told me this in the morning, had I known about it yesterday, I would've timed myself much better throughout the day, or done it yesterday, or woke up earlier. She told me the same morning, because she wanted to do it herself and then noticed that she ran out of time.

Then she was angry that we chose to watch The Imitation Game because it's sad, and she has general anxiety and can't handle drama. I didn't know it would have a sad ending, I didn't know he was gay or that he would suicide. I told her about it before we watched it though. I told her it's about breaking the nazi code using the first ever computer, and she thought it was boring. She let me talk to the girl though, she told me to arrange it with her...cause she didn't want to do everything. It's because the girl talks to her ..not me when she wants to hang out. The girl and I both thought it would be a nice movie, and it is, but my sister was aiming for a comedy. I told her though, but i guess she didn't hear me..or I didn't emphasize it enough. i hate me..I hate that I can't talk or communicate well...and I hate that I can't deliver emotions either. I hate that I even have to. I hate it..I hate shit like that.

Now she's ignoring me, but she did buy me half a sub which was nice I guess.

She also thinks I'm lying when I complemented her haircut..because I pointed out that it should be layered more than that. She pointed out that my haircut should have been shaven at the end, and she kept pointing that out several, I don't know where's the difference. I thought she wanted me to tell her when I notice something wrong..and AUGH stupid.. I don't know how to speak to my own sister..I wish I was mute or dead or something I hate talking. HATE IT. and she hates it when i text her...and she's overly sensitive and overly emotional and overly touchy..and hugs and cuddles..and touching..and that suffocates me..but I try to do them too because I don't wanna offend her, but it's shit. it's half hearted and she knows it..and I'm never getting married..

augh...she doesn't even acknowledge me lol

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