Search This Blog

Monday, November 9, 2015


I'm so happy and tired with this field trip to the pathology lab in VG. It was so much fun.
I knew we might have the opportunity to see and touch tumors, but I didn't imagine it would be 10 different ones or that they would be on such odd body places. I thought we would see the more common ones such as breast, colon, lung and skin, but I was not aware that the skin cancer would be growing on areas like the vulva! Or how oddly shaped some body parts become after proliferation of cancer, or such odd areas like fat on the thighs, or such a huge tumor in the mouth. I think that one shocked me a bit. I think I loved it, to touch and observe and diagnose things. I think it isn't such a bad job. Problem is, I would still need to be an M.D. for that.
I love our cancer prof, she is by far one of the best profs here. So dedicated, I hope she gets tenure.

The only problem with that field trip was that I got such a huge headache looking at slides. I honestly felt a little dizzy then the doc said it's because we're not used to seeing so many screens.

Overall, it was thrilling and axilirating. I hated how the system did not respond to the idea of a barcode before a problem occurred. It could have been avoided, and the staff did their best, but alas, our health system needs some serious help. There's also a horrible doctor to patient ratio. People are only increasing, and with 25 thousand refugees coming and ageing babyboomer population we need to hire more doctors! we can't exhaust the staff.

Thursday, November 5, 2015


I'm no longer apologizing for not updating as frequently or writing down funny sketches that I think of, or quotes, because it just happens too often. I'm too busy, and that's the reality of it.

I am of no importance to him... I need to keep telling myself that.

I started volunteering at Frontier college yesterday, I don't know if I am doing well, but it is only my first time.

I got through my second Japanese Culture midterm. I think I did okay, at least a B+...but who knows.

two little sketches for the future comic in my head:

Today while showing the university patrol my card, I flipped it out of my wallet and threw it to the air and on the floor 4 feet away from me. super awkward, she didnt even smile.

also, sex class fisting,,twice. funny story

I think I nailed Jion in kata now too.


Sunday, September 20, 2015

A Dream of a boarding school: part 1

So, my dream today was another movie.

There was this tall white young man maybe 17-20 of age. He was the leader of four that trys to save the world from destruction. Every year, or if one of his three chosen ones mess up, he obliterates them in a sense. they just disappear without a trace, assumed to be dead.

This year I was chosen along with two others, but the problem was we were in a strict boarding school that disallows almost everything. Everything had a schedule and a certain order to it. 'He' didn't talk much, 'he' was rather cold even though we were to share the same mattress. The four of us had our own room and two mattresses to share. I remember he wrote something down on a comic book then when bedtime inspectors were approaching, he quickly jumped under the sheets next to me and shoved the book under my thighs. I grew worried because this was my first night in this school and I still wasn't too sure of the system. I turned to ask the teacher that was inspecting the room what was going on, the fat short lady told us that there were two things she was looking for: books and pyjamas. I tucked myself in tight and grabbed one of my novels to hide under my pillow but with my shuffling she walked towards the end of my mattress, lifted the ends of the covers and grabbed the comic under me and my hidden book. I could already tell the boy next to me was immediately displeased, but he kept silent and still beneath the sheets.
I climbed out of the makeshift bed and questioned what she will do with it and tried to negotiate it with her, that I wasn't aware of the rules, that it won't happen again. She seemed sympathetic but a little alarmed that i was not in my bed, she told me as long as she sees it she will take it,  and as long as no one sees me they can't punish me.  She tried to hurry me back in bed before the head of the staff arrived. I asked her what would become of me if I was caught taking the book back. She replied "somewhere between 3 years and life" I was so shocked but I rushed back into my mattress and pretended to sleep with the other 3 before the head mistress arrived in her black fitted dress. Her job was to ensure that all the teachers did their jobs, she was merciless. (for some reason she did look like that skinny teacher from Jacob two two!!)

When everyone left, I had planned to sneak out, but first i was looking around for what else she may have took. Without me noticing, the boy had already reached the door and snuck out. I grabbed his arm and told him I can do it, or that I will at least come with him. He looked down at me with the same displeased look, but he didn't honestly care about me or team work. He just had one thing in mind, the comic book.
We walked on some squeaky floors before reaching the kitchen in which a pile of confiscated goods lay on the table. I was staring in awe, wondering where I was and what is going on, but anxious because of the squeaky flooring, but he was already shuffling through the stack. He grabbed the comic book and left me and so I hurriedly grabbed my book and followed after. All the noise woke the teacher previously in our room, but she was no longer trying to assist us and grabbed me. He never looked back to help me out, but only rushed to his room. -dream cutoff, but let's continue-

 I struggled wildly in her arm, afraid it could further increase the punishment i was to receive, I stopped. I tried to reason my way out of it, and she told me tomorrow I will have a light consequence, and not to worry because she will not inform the headmistress. She then guided me back to my room and i snuck back inside petrified of what it could be, but glad it wasn't the headmistress that got me.

My punishment was not bad at all, it was boring, but it certainly was not bad considering jail. 'He' still hasn't spoken a word to me since yesterday night, and for recess and lunch time I had to stand in a small chalk circle drawn around my feet and not move nor eat from there. The other two members pitied me and started kicking a small rounded eraser inside the circle to entertain me with a tiny game of soccer. I was only able to participate if they kicked it within the perimeter of the circle.

The headmistress was walking around the playground ensuring that everyone was following rules and guidelines and was not happy to see me. She looked at the eraser then at the short curly haired boy who kicked it and grabbed his arm. "20 lashes" she said. The boy's face dropped and he looked at me scared. He was only 14, so I began arguing against it to try to lift the punishment. She looked visibly disgusted by me and screamed at me that it wasn't my place to talk, I tried to negotiate it with her and then she smirked. "If you wanna take his punishment, then it will be 40 lashes."
"but, I didn't do ..." "50." She cut me off.
I stopped talking and closed my lips tightly, I looked around for help as if begging with my eyes, all eyes of the play ground were on me now, including 'him'. No one dared speak, neither did I blame them. I nodded, then with a grin she grabbed me by the elbow and led me to the centre of the field. "Break is over! back to your rooms!" She hollered before dragging me to her office.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Quote of the day: Assalamu Alaikum

I did a face painting and went to this volunteer program for the second time. I must say, this program is much better than the previous too, the patients are more responsive and I'm more social too.

As for face painting, I have one more left this Saturday then I'm done for this school year. How unfortunate! I can't keep it up with my school work, it isn't worth it. So, I took off my ad from kajiji.

Dana blocked me on facebook...go figure and I got a new comment on my blog which is cool in a way, yet embarrassing in another. It's probably because I'm so used to people not reading my rants that I just end up rambling about what ever I'm thinking about at the time. So, I do get carried away often, but that's the point. It's the only place I don't have to hold back in. Directly or indirectly at least.

speaking of embarrassing, I was once walking down the road and a guy walked past me and said "Assalamu alaikum" in which I replied "Thank you". It's like I'm not even muslim! how awkward and shameful.

Anyways! back to my lab book!


Friday, September 11, 2015

End of Summer

Took the MCAT twice, Eid was shit, parents came over didn't fight with mom but my lil sis acted like an angsty little brat, dad acted like a temperamental child.

MCAT wasn't good enough for one of the schools, but I am still planning to apply to three in Ontario, tough luck.

Also, Karate was done at the end of summer, and I also started face painting for money.

I'm going to have to stop at the end of this month though, because karate, society, five courses and two volunteers is enough shit on my plate especially since it's my senior year.

Also, school has started and I already feel like a stressed little shit because I'm not prepared at all.

I got my driver's license and a car, a new phone, and a macbook. My first apple product. I got three year warranty because I'm abusive. I still need to sell my old phone, add microsoft, renew my passport, apply to medschools, and start the society properly and start working on my shit. I can't catch a break.

I made pancakes this morning, but my sister is so tense from yesterday's accident that she legit is pretty much trying to pick a fight with me with any little shit.


Palpitations List

I got my palpitations yesterday at karate. I've been getting them a lot recently, I guess since school has started. I've been really nervous and anxious and I can tell that by the funky dreams I get.


Palpitations this Thursday Sept 10, last Thursday and I think the week before that.

One of those I got it twice in a period of ten minutes.

Again, Thursday Sept 17 at the beginners classes.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Side Table I managed to cut my foot with my living room's side table while I was sweeping the floor. It bled, but it's a shallow cut.

Always amusing how I manage to hurt myself, but at this point I got used to it.

Seasons 11 (season finale) of Khawater ended today.
I think I will make a post about him someday. Really sad that this amazing Arabic show ended.

Family will be here in 12 hours. ...Didn't clean a thing....except the floor. 


Friday, July 10, 2015


I always knew I would drop a knife on my foot someday; thank God it was a butter knife.

It bled a bit, and it is bruised, but otherwise painless (now).

Not sure if you can see the tiny dots forming a line above that bruise or not, but it's there.

Two weeks ago or so I burnt my thumb with steam. That one hurt for 7 continuous hours. The skin peeled off yesterday too!

Burnt thumb

Just, moving disaster moments.

Also, I managed about 1,000 + likes on a HONY comment, that's new and unexpected! It is quite fun though.


Thursday, July 2, 2015

Studying the MCAT and other mishaps

An update since I have been way too busy to write in this thing, yet some things have occurred.

I have a long to do list, that will make me cry because it will mean i have basically no days off this summer.

I have taken it upon myself to redo the MCAT on July 18th, yet the results of the first MCAT come out on the 20th. Why? because I don't believe I met the requirements for one of the med schools.

I have applied to it anyways, however, I did not pay for yet so, all is good.

I plan to apply to three other universities, however, these are in ontario. They have much leaner and easier requirements in a sense, however, the odds are against me + I still have one more year to be absolutely PERFECT in.

I'm still the president of the karate club and I will inshallah (God willing) start a society with my korean friend this year.

It's ramadan, and my parents will be coming over a day before my MCAT which is somewhat good and bad in a sense, I suppose.

I'm still trying to get rid of the TV stand and I do not understand why someone would tell me they're going to pick it up a certain time and date then not show up or call or text or pick up her phone after I called to tell me whether or not she still wanted it.

Four men in total said my voice is "hot, sexy, hot, and angelic" in which I find both flattering but also somewhat creepy. One of those guys was supposed to be gay, so just to show how most gay people are gay by will, and not by a physiological brain difference. The latter I consider a disorder like depression, bipolar, or paraphilias.

It kinda feels awkward to talk to some guys now just because of their comments on my voice. In a way it's cool to know.. but, ew comes to mind a LOT. I want my husband to think that of me, I want him to think, oh my God your voice is so amazing..and stuff and I'll just sit with a cheesy grin, like yes, love me, bitch =w= hehehe.

Seriously, what the heck do I even sound like?!

My close friends said no, I sound "cute" at most. which is a bit of a relief.

I have not been going to karate since two weeks prior to ramadan, so no palpitations thus far.

I have been beinging on Khawater, a GREAT arabic show that pretty much trys to awaken the hearts of arabs and Muslims to do good and try hard as God have instructed us to do, and to not limit ourselves and to reach out to people with aid. Which is amazing.

I now have the delimma of not knowing what to volunteer with anymore. I want to volunteer at the IWK (kids hospital), but I also don't want to lose contact with Cherry from the other hospital I've been volunteering at for the past two years. I want her to be one of my references.

I also want to try volunteering at the literacy program that my sis volunteers at frontier college?
I think I can easily teach sciences, but I have to check my schedule. Then there's the soup kitchen, but bleh. I'd rather work in hospitals and try my best to work with children to see how that works. Also, orphanages would be interesting too. I want a different experience in a sense.  A more useful one than just painting nails on women for like 30 minutes and talking to my coworkers for an hour. It's super unproductive.

I had these funny dreams today that I was talking to one guy (online) but then I'm undercover...kinda literally under a cover, in another room while he thinks I'm someone else. Of course I don't want him to be scared so I hide my face and mask my voice and wait for him to leave. He in response, starts flirting on and on until he insists on seeing my face. After wrestling with my blanket to see it, he wins and when he notices I'm that weirdo friend of his he runs out of the room panicked for some reason. I also think one of us was wearing a mermaid tail, I'm not sure who. There were also many girls, each one had a different room. Were we a harem or something?! I don't know.

Oddly enough when I woke up, the same guy actually messaged me, despite not doing so in several weeks.

So, I went back to sleep and dreamt I was Lindsey lohan buying nail polish and face paint with my guy friend. That's when Leonardo decaprio killed him, so I got scared, and left the store and hid between the homeless. Turns out he and leo were actually accomplices. I don't really understand my dreams, but they can be quite fun.

I should be studying...


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

more palpitations

maybe i should just make every palpitation post into just one big post instead.

I feel bad I haven't been writing, specially bout the events that occurred in karate nationals in quebec..but I'm just that busy.

back to the point.

palpitations yesterday in karate at 7:20 pm, while we were doing some leg sweeps. I didn't sit down, so they didn't stop until I left the dojo (cuz I had a practice mcat test at 8:00 pm) and went to the changing room, where I paced for a bit and tried to video record it,  but that's harder to say than do.
So, I sat down and tried to record it via my heart monitor on my phone, but that proves difficult for the phone to digest. As soon as I sit down and relax, my heartbeat slows down again, and by the time my phone adapted and found my pulse, I watched it read my palpitations from a 175 bpm, to a 105 bpm in just 5 seconds.

Speaking of MCAT, please do kill me.
My test is in June 20, and I did extremely badly on my practice test. Like, 123 for every section except phys/chem i got 120.

Disappointed, demotivated, and I feel like shit.

I know I can be a great cardiologist, I just need to do better...
I also need to get 6 A+ and 3 A and 1 A- to maintain my GPA, so if I get more than one A-...I'm fucked.


Saturday, May 23, 2015

RIP Brain

You know you're tired as fuck when you take your bar of soap and put liquid soap over it before you wash your hands.

You know you're tired when you put food on your plate, turn the micorwave on, then realize your food is still outside.

Yes, I did both after coming back from Quebec in a 12 hour car ride!

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Revi's B-day!

Yesterday was a super busy day; I woke up early to go practice karate at the dojo. I got punched in the face by the "amazon" and learned how to sweep kick, which was amazing. I also got my heart palpitations in the class, but I didn't sit it out, because I felt awkward about it.

Afterwards we celebrated Revi's Birthday and we ate outside and had the best toffee cake pudding thing ever. Then we walked home, which was absolutely exhausting.

The whole day was tiring and I ended up taking a three hour nap. I was too tired to even wait for my phone to shut off so I can turn it on again! Then I studied a bio chapter and went to sleep. Was a very restful sleep in which I had some odd dreams.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

MCAT: And so it begins

I just wanna update this a bit by saying I got my palpitations twice on the fourteenth in karate while attempting to semi-free and free spar.
I also have started studying the MCAT with Grace since my test is on June 20 and today I officially stopped volunteering to the Hand Care Program at the hospital because I can not jungle karate, MCAT, and two volunteers, and also Grace's volunteer time. So, our volunteers combined have eaten out our friday and Wednesday. Karate is either at 7pm or 10 am, so, I will give it a try tomorrow to see if I can train a bit before nationals.
My other volunteer is with a third Japanese girl who is sweet like the rest of 'em. I've already met with her three times. I wish not to come out too strong on her, but it's hard not to when there's little to talk about.
With Grace, we are doing somewhat okay with all the topics except physics. We don't know where  in God's name to even need tutors!
Plus, each chapter, regardless of the subject, is taking an average of 3 hours to do! So, we decided to study two chapters each day, everyday until the second week of June, then I have to do a lot of exams and tests and such.
She's really good to study with, but augh, I hate studying, and seeing her every single day for like forty days is gonna kill me. I love her and all, but I want at least one weekend!!!


Sunday, April 12, 2015

Karate Provincials 2015

Woke up at 7:40 am, and I didn't even want to get up. I just wanted to sleep because I was still tired from lack of sleep, Friday's double exams, and Thursday's karate practice.

Thankfully, Travis picked me and Justin up, otherwise I would have had to wake up earlier, and I would have also went to the wrong location!

We practiced our team kata for half an hour, and then out of nervousness, I tugged too hard on my gi and ripped it off its tie. Not much harm done though, I have a spare at home, thankfully.

It was a three way tie for third place for kata for me, so we redid the match and of course I lost.

Kumite was next, and since I'm a brown belt, it was free sparring. I never free sparred other than that one time on Thursday with Travis.

there were two girls who looked really good and aggressive, one was an Asian girl who went from yellow belt to brown in one day. The other girl looked equally bad ass, they were warming up well too, you can just tell by the way they were warming up. Two girls looked pretty weak and frail and one of my friends wasn't even planning to fight and was not registered, but sensei insisted and peer pressured her into it. She caved in and agreed. 

I went against the weakest looking one, and she kept backing away from because she was visibally scared and shaking. I felt so bad that I was even against her. I scored half a point and won that match. Of course the two fierce girls won theirs, leaving one in tears. 

To be honest, after winning the first round, I felt more relaxed about the whole thing. I stood my ground, everyone didn't expect it to happen. My sister and everyone said it was "very intense" and that we were "at each other's throats". It was quite thrilling. I was relaxed and fully aware of what i was doing and I knew when I was being attacked and how to respond, but a lot of times my body just didn't! something I have anticipated.

To see which of the three of us would qualify for first, second and third, we ALL fought each other. It was so much fun. It was a point match, whoever scores most in 2 minutes wins. In one of the fights, I was tied with the girl up until the last 30 seconds in which she got me.
While fighting with the Asian girl, we kicked each other's kicks, it was absolutely wicked. Then when the judge called us out to stand at our lines like this:

We were at the lines, but we were both still in sparring positions that the judge told us to loosen up, or relax or to not be so tense. Then we looked at each other and stood up smiling at our eagerness like little aggressive idiots. It was funny. Sparring was really fun with those two girls, even though I lost both matches. I came in third, but regardless, I was congratulated by my friends and senseis and even one of the judges came to me telling me that I did great, but the only reason why my punches weren't scoring points was because they were hook punched to the head, instead of straight jabs or straight punches. So, it was my form, not my performance. 

Also, travis' nose was bruised from the other day, that his sensei was impressed I did that. Can't believe I bruised a man's nose with gloves on. Quite scary.

It was fun, I wasn't sure if I had it in me and now I know! I like to spar and to face paint! 

Also, since there was only one other team competing for coloured team kata, we managed to win first place. 

My legs were killing me, I tripped on the stairs and fell back on my seat and I did end up cutting my upper lip on the inside, but it didn't bleed much and i was a bit raw.

Also, my sis was only able to record my first fight with the girl that was petrified. Then the phone hanged on her while she was videotaping my third fight, causing it not to record then my second fight's video would not even play as it says it does not exist. This made me really upset and frustrated 'cause I really wanted to see myself spar and see what I did, and what everyone thought was so amazing. Was it that I took them off by surprise, or was it that I was that good, or was it cause I was clashing a lot and didn't back down.

I wish not to discuss the rest, for it was sad.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Quote of the day: Hairy White Guy

my sis and I are watching Downton Abbey; a great drama set in the early 20th century England. It talks about a lord and lady who are trying to find an heir and there are many scandalous events and juicy gossip. Anywho, in this one scene the maid and man are on their honeymoon, and so they're laying topless beneath the sheets.

So, my sister says: Ew, he's white, he's fat, and he's hairy all over. It's like having sex with bread...but it's hairy!

I died at that.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Kaneki Dream

I had a nice dream tonight, it has been a while since I had an enjoyable dream.
Okay, so in a way, it wasn't "nice" but rather...I liked it!

I dreamt about Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul. I dreamt that he was suffering some PTSD from Jason and that he was unable to focus on his mission because he kept seeing Jason everywhere and remembering the torture. So, in order for him to overcome this, two men in his group decided to rein act the events that occurred with Kaneki and Jason in order to spur Kaneki to fight back and try to get over what has happened to him. So, while he wasn't tied to a chair the way it was in the manga, he was on a bed with two men with long white hair. The slimmer one held him Kaneki down while the other man lay on top, but there was no intense torture. It was just Kaneki fighting his suppressed memories, screaming and thrashing on the bed. It was amazing.

There was also more to the dream, but this is the part I enjoyed. Just watching Kaneki suffer a different form of anguish in my dreams. <3



Got palpitations on Tuesday, got my period today. Three hours of agonizing pain, and I couldn't sleep, but hey I didn't throw up!
My sis practically cleaned the whole apartment then made veggie wraps. love her!

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Shards of Glass

Heart palpitations on Thursday in karate practice while kicking Justin. Thankfully, when it was his turn to practice aiming at my stomach, my palpitations stopped. Not sure how much, if at all, I should push myself during an episode.

I also went to sleep with my hands dry, then dreamt of broken shards of glass poking inside the skin and out of the other side. It was disgusting and painful. Even when i woke up, I can still remember the places of some of the shards.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


...nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

I didn't know thinking about a guy makes you lose your appetite.
What hurts the most isn't crushing on a guy, but knowing the guy that you're crushing on likes you and tells you he loves you but you can't tell him anything, or be together. It hurts even more that he thinks about the same things I do, but he's not for me. I feel like a whore in a way... maybe i was way too friendly in our conversations.
He actually thinks I'm too good for's so augh...why. what if I only like people because they tell me they like me. This is why I think I'm a whore, I feel like I only like the way some men make me feel because just a few days ago I was insanely thinking of another guy. I want to so much.. but, what if it's for all the wrong reasons? I'm sure two days from now I'll come back to reality and he too will go back to his reality.
It's so hard too, feeling like this uptight bitch but at the same time leads men on. A tease that intrigues the interest but never satisfies.
I want to tell him everything in my head and everything he wants to know, but I can't. I know I'll regret it, and it will only hurt us more.
I just have to keep staring at their flaws until I look at them as nothing other than another friend.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Dream of being Chased

I dreamt I was somewhere outside with several university students having fun, face painting and such. Then I was going to take a ride home with a guy and he left me in his car alone and at that moment 6 men surrounded the car and started bothering me. I left the car and ran off to where my friends were located. I told them a group of men were following me and they had my back, my korean friend tried to distract them as I hid and escaped, i even tried karate moves on them. Some worked, some were futile. At one point I went half way home then returned because it was unsafe to leave the vehicle because they stalked me there too. Half of them were arab too and they were relentless on trying to get me. It was so scary, specially after my friends had to go home and I had less and less people to cover for me and help me out.
I resorted to calling an online friend for help, instant butthead velocity at which he sympathized over the phone with me and told me it seems like I'm in a bad situation. While talking to him I hung up by accident because I was once again found and started running off quickly. My biology professor took notice of this and asked me if they were bothering me. I answered "yes" and he was starting to call the cops when I woke up.
It was creepy dream, scary, but not scary. I felt helpless. I hated it.

On other news, it snowed in today so no school!


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Death in Dreams

I dreamt my mom died again. Maybe it's because I haven't talked to her in over a week or two. This time, my mom didn't actually look like my mom, and there was a dead bear involved in the dream and my dad was crying over my mom's body feeling guilty he wasn't there when she died.

I also had the left half of my lower jaw removed, the whole bone. My teeth were attached to it and I was able to see the wisdom tooth within it too. It was disgusting.

Then I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm.

Also, I had palpitations while doing ba sai dai with Justin in karate. about 216 bpm, not the fastest I've had, but still.

Friday, March 13, 2015


You know a guy is creepy when he watches you exercise. Seriously, did he really have to stand outside the gym watching me while I was doing push up, planks, and sit ups in karate? It was so awkward, I saw him and waved, but then he didn't leave for a good five minutes or so. I couldn't focus on anything, all I was thinking about is "holy shit, is he checking me out" "Does this gi show my butt?" "Is he still staring at me" " Don't look back, don't look back"
Maybe he was just watching everyone though...

Also, that same morning I tripped on ice and cut my palm up. It was bleeding in the bus, so I pretended my hand didn't exist.

I showed the pictures to my friend, I felt a bit bad because the second one I took knowing fully well he liked that nail polish colour! (it was a coincidence though)

I also ate some amazing Potatchos at Your Father's Moustache (yes, that's the pub's name) with several friends as a little girl's night out. I had my first Shirley Temple, but I didn't like it. I then walked with two of my friends to karate and then one of them's mom drove me home.

Same guy that was staring at me, messages me today telling me that I missed the 18 bus again. Seriously, he's creeping me out more and more.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

First Time Face Painting

I volunteered today for relay for life as a face painter and it was SO MUCH FUN!
First Butterfly
 I was face painting with Pru (friend), I first did her face drawing a small panda on the cheek, then a butterfly on her eye.  People loved it, and they came to me asking for the same butterfly. I was so good that people didn't believe it was my first time! at least three people asked me if I was in NASCAD (an art school)! It was so fun and refreshing. People were relaxed, and then happy when they say their face. We has a line up of people. I mostly did butterflies, but i had the occasional piggy on the cheek, cat faces, and I drew an epic open mouthed shark on a girls eye. 

Only a few guys came to the booth, but two of them were gay (I think). One gay dude was SO HAPPY I was doing the pretty butterfly, he was like a child. He even told me to paint him like one of my French girls! I laughed so hard, cause he first asked me if I watched titanic, then I completed his joke for him. Then he said I was his canvas. May God guide him.

God, I had so much fun that I wish I can do this more often!

Here are SOME pics:

First Flower


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Hazard to Myself

I don't know what is WRONG with me recently. This is the third time in a week that I hurt myself. First I bit my tongue on Thursday that still didn't heal yet. I cut myself yesterday with a freaking pencil case and now I burn myself with soup!
I burnt it like hours ago but it sting a bit..and i kept felting something on my mouth..first  i thought it was from the leak in my soup..then i figured it was burnt skin..but now i felt skin dangling from my mouth i stuck a broken piece of mirror in my mouth and looked in the mirror..and that's when i shuddered. It looks messed up.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Quote of the Day: Clumsy

me: I think I tripped on her (my aunt) stairs.
sis: What else is new?
me: ...what do you mean?!
sis: you always trip on stuff.

On other clumsy news, I cut my hand on my pencil case (I think). To be honest, I just reached into my purse in class and cut myself.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Much to Do

Friday was the girls gathering, then saturday the vigil for my 3 muslim relatives, yes it turned out I was related to them. The father is my mom's cousin. Sunday I went to the Syrian refugee charity dinner event which turned out to be super fun. I got to meet some people and laugh and embarresse myself as usual. I also auctioned! well, i was the only one apparently. but, I bought a teeth whitening kit. At first noone wanted it, so it was auctioned off for half its original price (350$), then noone wanted it and so it was reduced to a 100$, I was still hesitant, but I realize this is a good deal. It got then further reduced to 75$ at which the table encouraged me to take it, and I did. No regrets, that's more than 75% off and I love it. I'll get to whiten my teeth! I actually need to fix them up, but it wouldn't matter if I whiten it first, right?

Today my friends in micro told me that they never saw me mad before. I don't know how they expect to see me angry at school, people need to compose themselves, besides, I wasn't that close to her. Then nicole pointed out that even in karate i'm never mad, and that I punch people while smiling which makes me look scarier!
That comment made me laugh and another guy agreed. Apparently I hit, hurt, apologize all while smiling.

Bake sale is tomorrow! WAH!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Failed It!

I failed my driver's test this morning, it really sucks. I've got 63 points, when I needed 45 or less to pass. I can do another test next week, but it's really frustrating to do the whole procedure of calling axis NS and booking and going there, and calling someone to borrow their car. It's so annoying. It's really embarrassing too, I feel sorta ashamed that I was not able to pass.

On other news, I went to a little gathering. they were my sister's friends and such, but I was also invited. We played taboo, which was extremely fun and I was good at it too. I looked SO HOT to the point that I told my Star that if  I wasn't me I'd marry me. I'm hot, smart, funny, and somewhat nice. I've got everything going on in all the right places and my personality is amazing. I straightened out my hair, then I curled some strands and messed them up a bit, while pulling back a few. That made my hair not so flat, but messy the way it always is, yet neat in the aspect that it wasn't frizzy and such. 

Speaking of Star, I talked to him on the phone while eating fried chicken, and doing the dishes. I still need to work on my paper, and Revi is coming over tomorrow for a sleepover. Augh..busybusybusy.


Things to do.

Yesterday's karate class, guess what? palpitations again! They happened at the very first punch of warm up. It was a three punch, step in, head, stomach, stomach. The first head punch I did in the whole class, and I got my palpitations. They didn't go away until I sat down and relaxed, focussed on my breathing and such. It was a little embarrassing, because we were supposed to be doing kicks by then, and I was just sitting, and sensei looked at me for a bit. I'm glad she didn't point it out. I've been sitting at random moments in her class more often now. I don't wanna excuse myself every time.
She drove me home yesterday, and I should've told her bout my palpitations. I mean, I did tell her before, but how is she supposed to remember something I told her about a year or more ago? I know she'll be okay with it too.

I also have to write this stupid paper that I barely started. It's due in three days, but there's a party today, a funereal tomorrow, and a dinner after, then school starts again. God, I'm gonna legit cry.

I have my driving test in a few minutes, pray for me.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Dear Diary,

forgot to mention that I had palpitations three times in the last karate classes; Thursday, Saturday, and Tuesday.

I suppose I didn't have any in Sunday!

Also, my sister loved her gifts!! and the card..and the food! x3 yey

Sunday, February 8, 2015


I really hate myself. Fought with sis again, over something ridiculously stupid. But I wanted to let her know it bothers me that whenever she forgets or doesn't have time to do something I would have to be the backup. The stupid gift, we both had to wake up early and I told her I'd be coming back home to shower and get dressed after karate, but she thought it would be enough time to wrap a gift.
She only told me this in the morning, had I known about it yesterday, I would've timed myself much better throughout the day, or done it yesterday, or woke up earlier. She told me the same morning, because she wanted to do it herself and then noticed that she ran out of time.

Then she was angry that we chose to watch The Imitation Game because it's sad, and she has general anxiety and can't handle drama. I didn't know it would have a sad ending, I didn't know he was gay or that he would suicide. I told her about it before we watched it though. I told her it's about breaking the nazi code using the first ever computer, and she thought it was boring. She let me talk to the girl though, she told me to arrange it with her...cause she didn't want to do everything. It's because the girl talks to her ..not me when she wants to hang out. The girl and I both thought it would be a nice movie, and it is, but my sister was aiming for a comedy. I told her though, but i guess she didn't hear me..or I didn't emphasize it enough. i hate me..I hate that I can't talk or communicate well...and I hate that I can't deliver emotions either. I hate that I even have to. I hate it..I hate shit like that.

Now she's ignoring me, but she did buy me half a sub which was nice I guess.

She also thinks I'm lying when I complemented her haircut..because I pointed out that it should be layered more than that. She pointed out that my haircut should have been shaven at the end, and she kept pointing that out several, I don't know where's the difference. I thought she wanted me to tell her when I notice something wrong..and AUGH stupid.. I don't know how to speak to my own sister..I wish I was mute or dead or something I hate talking. HATE IT. and she hates it when i text her...and she's overly sensitive and overly emotional and overly touchy..and hugs and cuddles..and touching..and that suffocates me..but I try to do them too because I don't wanna offend her, but it's shit. it's half hearted and she knows it..and I'm never getting married..

augh...she doesn't even acknowledge me lol

Sunday, February 1, 2015

International Hijab Day!

Oh Lord almighty, thank you. I just saw my first midterm's grade for microbiology and I got a 95.4% in it. The midterm is only 10% but that means I already have 9.5 of it. Which is AMAZING!
On my Learning psych course, I managed a 96% on the first midterm, this one has 25% of the total.

God, I hope I can keep this up. Please, God, I hope I do. My GPA is the only thing fighting for me for medschool, because I know that my MCAT scores will be shit. But, if I can manage a great GPA average, then maybe I will have a better chance of being considered.

On ..completely unrelated news.
My friend Revi decided that tomorrow, on behalf of international try a hijab day, that she will wear one too. No, I never told her about this day, but I think she picked it up from my facebook. Isn't she the greatest? I don't care if we never speak ever again, I'll never forget how sweet this woman is. She puts me to shame. The idea of this day is to put yourself in a muslim girl's shoes or rather hijab before you judge. The sad part is, that most people who probably participate are already the sweetest, most open minded people, then again it will be awesome to see my friend's reaction if any! I shouldn't pry though.
She's coming over tomorrow morning so I can see her, and possibly help her out. House is a usual mess, but oh well!

Also, my sister loved the food I made yesterday. and I love her brownies, and we seem to be getting along very well. alhamdulellah

Thank God,

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Not Simple (manga)

The title of this manga fits it perfectly. It is very unfortunate that it is only two chapters, and the ending, it's the beginning that kills.

This manga is a tragedy about the misfortunes one man received in his horribly miserable life. The story starts with the present, which is how he dies. Yes, this is not a spoiler because it is the beginning. He only has a friend or two in his entire life that he met as an adult and one of them decides to make a novel out of him.

It's about an Australian boy; Ian, whose sister is also his mother. This isn't even the worst part. The child gets separated from his sister, one of the only people that ever cared about him and he lived in London with his alcoholic ex-stepmother who loathes him. His abuse was in the form of neglect and he even provided for her. Later on, he was sent back to Australia to live with his father, who didn't care about him either. Before he left however, he managed to meet his sister and promise her to achieve his goal before the next time they meet. The poor dude ends up travelling far and wide to follow up with his promise and see his sister and we already know how the tragedy ends.

Ian and his older sister

Can you guess what gum represents?
The manga is a bit hard to follow because the perspective often switches from character to character and from past to present. The art, as you can see, is not the best, but it does grow on you after a few pages, or rather his expressions and few words are extremely powerful. This manga has neglect, sexual, and emotional abuse so the content is mature; however, there are no disgusting images. There is a few symbolism here and there and you have to pick up on hints and cues as no detail is put in the abusive events, only that you understand they happened, which is how people often overlook them in real life. I think that is one of the things that captivated me about Ian, it was how accepting he was of everything bad that ever happened to him. Ian is so blunt as well, and so pure hearted that it makes me just wanna grab him in a hug and help him out. I wish he had his happy ending.

Ian being polite and sweet despite the horrible events in his life

I definitely recommend this manga, I think it's 5/5 and that you should be at least 15 years old just because of its mature topic. It tugged at a few strings in my heart.


Saturday, January 24, 2015

Why I want to be a Doctor

I don't have one specific reason as to why I want to be a doctor. I have numerous small reasons that pile up and motivate me to accomplish this dream. I don't want to just help people with my career choice, but I also want to be financially secure, so that I can help people outside of my career with that money.

I have also always wanted a house, a property that I can claim as my own. I want this house to be big enough for 10 so that I can either foster or adopt, I'm still unsure. I'm aiming to target the "older kids" group so that I can allow them to pursue their dreams without being tied down with thoughts of being unable to afford these dreams.

Another small reason would be to prove to everyone who doubted me wrong. Many people have tried to persuade me out of being a doctor just because I'm a woman. they used to say things like how unbefitting it is for a woman to be on call duty, or how I would be wasting 30 years of my life studying, or how difficult it would be to find a husband or have children by the time I graduate.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Tiring Workout

I'm so tired after this two hour karate workout.

I also got my palpitations while stretching in the beginners class, they lasted for two minutes.

First day there were 12 beginners, then second there was 8 and today there are 7. They're slowly depleting, how disappointing.

I also still didn't study for tomorrows microbiology quiz, fuck me right?

Also, why did I get a dick pic for searching "naruto shippuden hot black and white" on google images. AND BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME! I was looking for desktop pictures!


Monday, January 12, 2015


Today I drove on the highway for the very first time, I even reached 100 km/hr. It was so fun, not that scary, in fact it was so peaceful. The only thing I enjoyed about driving. You get this intense feeling of freedom because of the amount of space you have, the speed is exhilarating and the view in Nova Scotia of the fluffy plump clouds tilted in the blue sky frames by the forests of dark trees. The roads aren't flat and so you go up the hills and see those beautiful sceneries with that speed and space and you just dissociate completely from the world, it was refreshing.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Lunge Kicks

Just to keep track of my palpitations; I had one yesterday in karate while doing the three step sparring. Thankfully, sensei was doing a demonstration afterwards, and so I took advantage of that and sat down through it. That helped my heart rate get back to it's normal pulse.

Also, those lunges then kicks for warm ups were so awful! I still feel it in my legs! Good work out.