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Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Event

Since I'm going to Halcon as Noface this year, I decided I might as well go trick or treating! It is by far, one of the BEST cosplays/ costume a muslim girl could wear since I wear a hijab!

Revi and I had it planned out! I will be her "13 year old cousin Sally".
However, I received an Email from "Speak Up" about this Halloween party in my university with costume contest, haunted little house, and pumpkin carving!

I dressed up as Noface! I wore all black, then my mom's butterfly abaya. The mask me and Revi made of paper mache was AMAZING. People thought I bought it from somewhere. At least 15 people came up to me asking to take my picture, or take a picture with me. It was SO MUCH FUN!

Noface Cosplay from Spirited Away

We then played a game called Graveyard, in which everyone had to play dead and someone would have to make you laugh or move. While I was lying down at the start of the game, Revi asks me "Do you know that they're taking pictures of you?"!?  (I couldn't see properly from my mask). Then during the game I saw one man from one eye hole, and another man from the other eye hole peering at me, which slightly unnerved me! One then asked "Is it a boy or a girl?" Then I just shot up! I'm like nope! Then I started trying to make people move. I went up to several people just staring at them really intently and that made some people laugh. One girl wouldn't move no matter how long I stared, so I started tickling her exposed knees with the silky cloak/abaya I was wearing and she burst out laughing.
It was so funny! It was a little scary to have that much attention at first, but then I just took the role in and just enjoyed and basked in it.

Second Round of Grave Yard

Selfie with Noface!

A lot of the people there were international students, mostly Japanese, and they would come up to me asking me if I was Japanese or Chinese, and I would tell them no, I'm from Palestine! It's amazing that I made SO many people smile as they saw one of their childhood characters come to life!
Then an hour later this other Noface person shows up! Totally weirded me out. We stared at each other for a while confused. What are the odds!? Then people started taking pictures of us staring at each other. She handed out golden covered kiss chocolates, I has my golden loonies in my bag, but she even thought that far too!

Two No faces at once?!
Then came the haunted house, I spent at least an hour and a half just volunteering to scare people in it. I would just stare at them from behind my mask then grab their shoulder, or I would slowly follow them or imitate the Grudge's sound. The asian girls were the easiest to scare. Other people were scaring with me, it was a BLAST, but after an hour, I got a headache, and it got really hot.
I then took a picture with Ash Ketchup and went walking home with Revi.
It was a great Halloween!


(More Pictures with Moi!)

So Wrong

So,...I had two dreams today.

I dreamt I had a penis. It looked...ugly. It was really long, but really thin.. I don't know what's going on in my head.

The second dream I had I was just eating at a chinese buffet. I think with karate people... at some camp or something...I can't recall it too vividly.


Thursday, October 30, 2014

20 Years Old!

Birthday went great,  A LOT of people wished me a happy birthday!

Seriously tired, so I'll flash two pics and be on my way!

First thing I found in a Box in front of my bedroom door! 

Chocolate Cheesecake I got after coming home from uni <3

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Birthday Girl

me: I think I know what my presents are!!!
sis: Just say them, what the fuck is wrong with you?

AUGH, I can't wait until Saturday because that's when I'll actually celebrate my birthday! (busy Thursday and Friday!) I have a feeling my sister got me a little naruto action figure and I know for sure she also got me heels, but I don't wanna know until I see it!!!! AAAAH! Plus! I thought for sure Revi will give me one of her baby spider plants, but I had no idea that she, travis and Justin had actually gotten me something else! AUGH what could they have possibly given me? It's funny, cause now I know what they think of me! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Gonna be a little lame cause it's my birthday tomorrow!
I will make a list of the people who wished me a happy birthday! Yes, I'm fully aware that most only know so because of facebook, but still!!

They're in the order of which I see first:

1) neon/dj
2) Dana <3

(1st on fb)
3) Mimi (twitter)
4) Justin!

(2nd on fb)
5) Dad
6) Omega
7) Sis (she showed up with a box in front of the door first thing in the morning <3)
8) Robert
9) Meesh
10) Starlight (wanted to wait until I was online then...)

11) Mommy <3
12) Nor
13) Alan!

14) Aunt H
15) Revi <3

16) Grace
17) Cousin L
18) Uncle N
19) Dina (fb)
20) Long Vietnamese friend
21) Yas
22) Vicky (birthday buddy)
23) Mona (fb)
24) Cousin H
25) M Sri
26) Tiff
27) Inshy + 2 girls
28) Abaddon
29) Sin/lust
30) Uncle W + cousin L
31) art + Dua (karate)
32) Briana (karate + BIRTHDAY BUDDY :D)
33) effy
34) Jackal
35) Aunt R
36) Kayla

God, that's a huge ass list. I forgot bout fb!!!



So, I was trying to see how well my measurements fit the ideal ones, but I couldn't really find anything of that sort. I did; however, stumble upon J-Lo and I remember my mom comparing me to her at some point. Boy, was my mom right! we have the same waist size, and almost the same sizes, except She's like 3 inches taller, has huge feet, and she's a 32C ...maybe after getting pregnant I would have her exact measurements!

I had my heart palpitations today while I was punching in three step sparing. I just had started laughing while i punched and it came..but it left soon and I didn't have to sit one out for it to leave either, so that was good.

We also practiced some close combat moves using our elbows and knees. I elbowed with all I got at a steady speed until I scraped the skin off my left elbow. Wasn't too fun afterwards!

Little creepy thing today was this new friend of mine "Hiro";who lives in my building, had not just waited for me after I was done with karate, he also did some grocery shopping with me afterwords, and get this! He carried my fucking grocery bag for me. It was so awkward, he kept trying to help, and half way while walking I asked if he needed any help and reached for the bag, but he got so offended. He said he's a guy, that he doesn't need any help. and I told him that it was my food....and that we're the same height, which I knew would be a nice little jab at his male ego. It's almost like calling a girl fat.

I then joked around telling him I have a feeling he was gonna go home with my bag, and he actually did run upstairs with my food! He ...had me chase him up the stairs after a 2 hour workout, I almost took my shoe off to throw it at him.
My lord, am I being overly friendly with this guy? he doesn't like like me does he? I don't wanna explain the concept of dating in Islam again, shit will be seriously awkward.

on another note, one of my online "friends" who I talk to on a daily basis, had one day decided to unadd me as a friend and ignore me completely. So, I have that going for me, which isn't very nice. I already sent him three messages and he ignored all three. Maybe he's just ..I don't know.. oh well...can't force someone to be friends with me, I just wish I knew why.


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Quote of the Day: Condoms

I'm just sitting in the library, and this guy sitting next to me says:

"...This girl swallows.... A LOT..

She drained me though, I went through a whole box of condoms, yo!

I'm gonna try it! He said his dick grew up to 12 inches"

Monday, October 20, 2014


When will I be free.
Trap after Trap,
chain and ball strapped,
never gonna re-experience being carefree


Fighting the Temptations

So, I know I talked about this boy before, Ridda. Yeah... he just added me on instagram
the fucking RIPPED
I'm like AAAAAAAAHHHHHH, I can't believe it, and someone with that body hinted he liked me ....and for who i am, a middle eastern girl that loves food and anime!
One of those moments where I wish I dated... great body, great personality, we hate the same people, we love the same animes, we love the same food, we wanted the same careers, we both are dorks about anime, we both grew up in the same country even though we're both not from that country, we're both short and we are both muslim. I mean..I think this is as close a soul mate can get. I'm losing my shit.
I just sent the topless pick of him to my mom blaming her for all of this..even though she didn't do anything. Can't wait to see her reply though.

Better take some hasanat for fighting these temptations!


Saturday, October 18, 2014


I'm really upset...and I can't be upset now, because my sister might come soon. I don't know who to vent to. I already messaged 4 guys, but only one is replying...I don't wanna tell him something's wrong..I already complain a lot to him.. and he scarcely ever complains to me..This is not fair.
 I'm just hungry..

I wish my stupid sis would just bring her ass over here so I can eat and lock myself up in my room. I wonder if someone in real would love me...I wonder if I even want him to. I feel so much more comfortable chatting than talking, I dread phone calls. I just want to do anything and everything I want, but I feel it would be wrong...cause i I can't walk around telling people I do it, then it can't be right. I'm so weird..
Would be nice if one of my online friends decide to convert to islam and marry me. would be nicer if we continue just chatting after the marriage....but it's so ridiculous that I can't even bring myself to write the rest. I suppose this is just one of my psychotic fantasies. The longer I live with my sister the more I think that I'm this horrible cold grosses me out when she hugs me..will I be like that with my husband too? Give him awkward force..
Why don't I even like hugs

Friday, October 17, 2014


criticism criticism criticism...kinda wish i was deaf.
the shit she says..everything..Wish I can live alone, I wanna be alone. In solitary, by myself.. I wanna fucking disappear. I can NOT be with her any longer.

it drains me when she does that .. she also is very blunt..and picky bout everything..why did you buy this..they're too big..why don't you think bout me..why did you buy's a child's common sense to buy something bigger..why didn't you just ask...why can't you buy shoes that either buy them too small or too big... NAG NAG NAG

 I wish I lived alone, I want my own Island. I'll call it the SIN, my Islamic Nation. Population: 1.
I'll live off of it, and be bothered by no one.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Distant Family Wedding

cool, someone in france is reading  my blog!
The wedding cake

it's midnight and I just came back from a distant relative's wedding. I got invited by my grandpa's sister; Safa. She's so sweet, I love her.
I also loved her daughter (the bride's mother) and HER daughter (bride's sister).
They were super friendly and welcoming, but they were too busy with the bride to really make me feel a 100% welcome. They thought it was pretty cool that I was family they never met before. When one of them guessed my age, she said I looked 17. yaouch.

Anyways, I wore the same thing I wore at Nancy's wedding! It was pretty good. I had fun, I danced a bit, not as much as I would like to. I took a few pictures for my parents and family in Kuwait who actually know these people.

At the end, Safa made sure I take a ride home with someone from the wedding instead of taking a cab home. They drove me to the door, and didn't leave until they made sure I'm inside. I really miss Arabic hospitality. I even saw the Palestinian dabke, most people talked in Arabic and most songs were arabic too. It was as if I wasn't in Canada! It was absolutely INSANE!

The wedding tables' center piece


Friday, October 10, 2014

First Day of Hand Care Volunteer Program

So, here I am once again reflecting on who I am and who I want to be.

I've just left the volunteer place and it's just so weird. It's my first day meeting her and talking to her and she already got in a discussion with me about my religion. It wasn't a question, it was a legit discussion.
I felt a little awkward, she started her story with "Just the other day I saw a girl wearing the face covering thing while rolling down a stroller and I just felt...SO BAD for her."

She's one of those people who thinks that Muslims are oppressed and that it's all the shenanigans of culture that indoctrinates these guilty feelings into us as to cover our faces and heads.

She even flat out told me how much she "hates" seeing these women. She even said "you will never find an animal that covers up this much". I don't believe we're animals, I understand that we're mammals but no, we're not animals. You can't possibly compare our complex brain process to that of animals, it's insulting. I actually wanted to tell her, well yeah they wear fur or tell her, well why are you being a hypocrite by wearing clothes, and a bra! but instead I explained that I personally don't really understand much about the face coverings as it is not required in my religion and no one in my family does it. I told her it could be either due to culture, as she has said, or they just want to do the extra mile for their religion.

Her reply was that religion and culture are the same thing, and I really hate it when people think that because they usually also assume that arabs = muslims and muslims= arabs; it's really ignorant.
So, I explained to her that I they're two entirely different things "religion comes from within, it's what you think and decide, culture is what is enforced by society and what the people around you do." I think I also told her that people here who cover their faces most likely do it out of faith because it's Canada, it's one of the freest countries there is and she could just as easily remove it.
Her response was to remind me of the guilt they would feel because they've been growing up thinking a certain way, which is why she took her children to a multi-universal belief church that takes a bit of everything. I think that's stupid.
Religion doesn't harm people, religion is just a way of life. Some people bring their children up as vegetarians, some as hindu, some as christians, some as jews, some focus their children on education, others focus their kids on manners. You HAVE to enforce some sort of structured life into your child, a belief they can stand with. Religion for me is a way of life, it teaches me not only to pray to God, but to also watch out for my actions, words and to be more considerate. It teaches me what to eat, what to drink and how to dress and I accept that.

I told the lady that the child may not have a choice when they're kids, but it's alright because they don't really understand yet why they do most of what they do. (kinda like school!) but when they grow up they can make their own choices. Then she asked me what if they felt guilty or can't because they've already been brought up a certain way. (While this is understandable, it's still stupid, I've met quite a few converts, and a lot of times their parents are against it, but they still went out and ventures and did what they want.)
I told her, we have the internet, and that we're in Canada, people can do what they want to do. Then I closed the subject by dropping off that all you can do as a parent is educate them, and that my mom instilled reading and searching in us so we can be educated about these things. That she often tells us to "look it up!" if we don't know something.

I guess she finally accepted at least that opinion and she let it go...for now.

It's funny, I feel like she's trying so hard to be open minded by forcing everyone to think like her so we can all think like her and be happy. I don't think she fully grasps the context of people being diverse. She's really extroverted, hates sitting down for too long, likes hands on work, hates stress, and hates being on the computer for more than like.. 2 hours a day or something. Meanwhile, I genuinely enjoy being alone for a minimum of 2 hours a day.

I wonder if I should just do the one thing I enjoy for a living, martial arts. I wonder if it's possible to just teach people karate for a living. God, it would be so much fun. So stress free, and just no one will judge how you look like with a black belt around your waist.

I'm not against people asking me questions about my faith. it's just, I don't know you yet lady, and we're working here....well she is, I'm volunteering! It would be nice if she actually asked instead of told me she pitied us.

I wonder how many people are silently judging me. How many look at me and think I'm being oppressed? how many look at me and see a person?


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Muay Thai

So, I broke a hole in a glass cup yesterday. (just moving disaster things)
I cracked it 2 weeks ago and forgot to throw it out, so while cutting the chicken, I ... I broke it with the knife. I don't know how to explain it

The left side is the one facing forward, do you see the hole?

Today, I was doing my fish midterm and kicked a girl's chair when I was leaving. apologized to my friend and gave the professor a cheesy grin before leaving.

and when i was talking to her after class, I wanted to ask if she was going to eat the chicken wings now, and instead I had pointed at her and exclaimed"Turkey!" ...then lowered my hand, "I'm getting closer, hold on.....aaah...wings! chicken wings! now?"
She was gobsmacked, dropped her jaw and everything.

and While I was introducing myself to the muay thai instructor. I screwed up big time. He asked "who are you?" and confused, I said "I'm new" He asked again, and to his dismay I gave out the same reply. He then put out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Ben!" ....
Little did  I know he wanted my name.
I tried out Muay Thai for the first time today. They do a lot more practicing on contact and with pads than karate. So, it's interesting. The people looked rather intimidating at first. most of them consisted of tall muscular white men, with the exception of tall muscular black man, tall fat white man, and chinese girl! Then the people I knew showed up after class had started.

I wanna know if my sister can take Muay Thai...I want her first reflex to be knocking someones tooth out. Perhaps improve and develop her self confidence and outlook. It's intimidating and frustrating at first, but once you get in that group, it's just feel more together as a person. 
I'm gonna hurt my cousin Mo one way or another. He hurt my sister, she's stressed, she wanted to know whether or not to go to vancouver because she wasn't sure she will have fun. Instead of MOM coming over here to NS and instead of attending her graduation and spending eid with me and my mom, she spent it with my two aunts and Mo and this is the result?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I might go to Houstan this christmas with him, and when I do. I plan on hurting him. I don't know if I plan to be passive aggressive, uppercut his stomach, or mentally stab and confront him. Knowing me, it will probably be the first and escalate to the second. I wish I was as reasonable as my junior high days I would've kicked him where he thinks.
I can't believe he made my sister cry, my sister will NEVER forget this for him. and She will live on for the next year or two thinking this over and over. He just fucks around with her "for fun" and leaves me the damaged goods? OH FUCK NO. I'm planning on hurting him. I have two months to plot for this shit and I will NOT let it go.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

water break

Don't really wanna go in details about my day. Just wanna keep up with the palpitations. I've had one in karate in the advanced class.
I was in the middle of the kata when my brain totally blacked out, and I couldn't remember the moves even though I've been doing this kata for 6 months now, won first place in it for team kata, and was tested and graded on it last week. I laughed it off and took a moment to remember the moves. When I laughed is when the SVT hit. I half assed the rest of the kata and tried to relax my body and take deep breaths sorta trying to make my body think I'm sitting. I really didn't wanna sit in class.
I already took a "water break" to dash to the changing room to pray.

My legs are killing me from the knees down.


Sunday, October 5, 2014

First Day Living Alone

I was a little sad in the morning that I had to spend this eid alone for the very first time. But, I think I'm over it now. I can see a picture bigger than me. One that includes my sister with my aunts. One that includes my cousins together in another country. One that includes my lil sis with my parents. Despite being alone, at least they're together. they can't always be together, and they might not have seen each other in years, if ever. So, it's nice.
Besides, with my midterms, my online people, calling family and visiting our old roomy. I think I'm definitely over it. Sure, it didn't feel like much of a holiday, but it's nice seeing family and hearing about family.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Quote of the Day: Driving

my convo with my aunt on the phone, something along the following lines:

Me: So, you guys miss me or what?

Aunt: We'll only miss you if we want a disaster to happen to us!
Seriously, we have balconies here. If we want to fall WITH the balcony then we will ask for you to come!
(she then started talking to my other aunt as well, as I was on speaker)
Remember last year? Remember what she did? Who does that? she's the one moving, and she crashed into a PARKED car!
(she then laughed at the memory and played out some side effects of the incident)
We just heard a bang and when we turned around, we saw her rolling on the ground! 

Me: I didn't see it!

Aunt: How can you not see a PARKED CAR!?

me: Wait until I get my driver's license.

Aunt: There are certain people that shouldn't drive, and I think you should be one of them! People will have to put up warnings that you're gonna be passing.

me: I'll treat this like a big bowling game! See how many people I can hit.

Then she laughed x3

While I was talking to her, I jabbed my shoulder with a pin by accident. Felt like going to the doctor :{


Thursday, October 2, 2014

Shin Splints....AGAIN!

Hmm, I guess I have shin splints. I found the name to the symptom! Don't we all love that connect the dots games of out ailments in life! Same way I found out about my tachycardia (basically fast heart beat).

To be honest though, I only found out it was called "Shin Splints" when I was talking to someone online and complaining about the pain in my legs and how I thought it was extremely abnormal for my bones to ache in that place. That was a really long time ago though, guess you don't just walk things off!

And when I searched it, I would get a similar post to the one below:

"Your shins throb and ache after your daily run or just sprinting to catch the bus. 
It could be shin splints. They can be caused by: 
  • Irritated and swollen muscles, often from overuse
  • Stress fractures, which are tiny breaks in the lower leg bones
  • Overpronation or ''flat feet" -- when the impact of a step makes your foot's arch collapse" 
I did sprint to the bus this morning, and almost stopped after the pain kicked in, but hey I caught the bus! Though my legs were throbbing for the next two hours, and when I rubbed my shin, I felt like I was poking a bruise.

1) I probably overuse them in karate
2) I hope to GOD no.
3) and I do have flat feet!

So, There you have it!

This really sucks though, as if palpitations wasn't enough. Such awkward conditions. I mean it isn't like people see you limping, or bleeding, or old. They just hurt...a lot. specially in the cold when I'm done with my workout and sitting at home feeling like my tibias are all bruised up.
If I tell people, they'll tell me to cut down on karate or visit the doctor....I guess when I'm in serious pain I can just .. ignore it the way i always do, or if I'm at home I'll just rub some ice on it and take some painkillers. The only time painkillers worked for me!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Dean's List Day

After yesterday's drama, I woke up drained. I had to wake up an hour earlier than planned in order to meet up with a girl so we can study together. Apparently, she had other things on her mind, as she was an hour late. Despite her apologies, I was still bitter.

I had forgotten all about the Dean's List invitation had I not looked at my calender before leaving. I had to change my top so it can look more formal, and I took eyeliner, and mascara with me.

I stayed bitter through out my day. I felt weary of my online friends, real-life friends, and family. I can't really say "sad", just detached and passive.

I kept spacing out at today's review, but when I left the room, I met up with two white friends from karate/ labs, and another black friend from class, and another group of middle-eastern friends. That uplifted my mood, and the black footballer guy sitting next to me ( guy who looks like a giant teddy bear) was funny and reminded me of someone else I knew.

I then went to lab and dissected a couple of bivalves (clams and such), then I zoned in my passive mood again. I had a little meeting with the dean and such, and yet, I felt so dissociated from reality. I just didn't feel excited. I put the makeup that I brought with me in the girl's bathroom after redoing my hijab, then I sat down and waited for my guest, Revi (my sis had work).

When the ceremony started, and I got together with Revi, my spirit was uplifted. She really made my day, and the whole atmosphere too. When I walked to get a photo with the Dean of Science, one of my friends there cheered so much, it got me giddy. She was like " WOOOOOH!"
Revi took my picture using Nicole's camera, which she will email to me later. I was sad there was not good food, raw veggies and fruit. And, by the time I got to the mini buffet, most of the food was gone and there was no plates. I was soooo hungry, hadn't eaten for about six hours, and even then it was a mere cheese sandwich.

While waiting at the bus station with "Revi", I met "Hero" there and we chatted a bit. A little black boy stood between the three of us and included himself in the convo. He then walked over to me, held my long necklace, looked it over then let go of it. It took my everything not to grab him and squeeze him with all I've got. I don't like kids, but some kids are so adorable they make me feel like it's possible for me to fall in love with them. I still wanna hold that child, the only other creature I feel this way about are cats and kittens. I did feel this way about my cousin Ali too. He was so cute, you can eat him up. I think what made that black kid cute is that he interacted with us so openly. Last black kid I looked at ran to his mom after I smiled at him. Other kids are really lame, annoying, and not enjoyable to look or interact with. This one seemed like I can just.. steal him from his mom.

I bought wendy's and went home. Apparently, I can exchange my drink with a frosty!