First Fracture

Two weeks ago, on a friday, I went kickboxing and continued to spar with some guys there after the class was over.

I told one of them casually that more or less, I'm not afraid of being punched. What I was afraid of, was concussions, broken bones, or missing teeth. Then I proceeded to kick his knee with my foot (AGAIN, see previous post) during sparring and stopped the match from the pain. I asked if he was okay since it hurt me so much. He was fine, so I continued to spar with him.
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Then I sparred with another guy, but ended the match quickly because I realized I couldn't focus on much else other than my foot. I figured I sprained it.

The instructor came to check on me and why I was leaving so soon and I told him it was nothing, that I kicked a knee, but can still move my toes. I wiggled my toes at him for proof!

He seemed concerned but waved it off.

I couldn't put my aching foot in my shoe, so I drove home bare footed. It really hurt to drive back home, seeing it was my driving foot that hurt me so much. but there was no time to complain! Once I reached home, I threw some ice on it while heating the oven and preparing the food since the boys were coming over any minute now.

There was no time for pain, I quickly showered and crossed heat and cold on my foot. I didn't feel anything when the boys came, I was limping, sure, but it certainly didn't hurt near as much as my severe period cramps. When I bumped my foot on the stairs, I did find myself on my hands and knees from the pain which alarmed one of the boys a bit, but I again, quickly shook it off. I drove them home very carefully.

The next day (day 2), I woke up in pain at 7 am from my foot. It was very swollen, red, and quite inflamed. I continued to ice it, but the ice burned my foot so I just elevated it, and it seemed to work. Later that day I went to my friend's house. I limped all the way there, since I couldn't weight bare on that foot at all. I genuinely considered crutches. The boys, and my friend told me to get it x-rayed. By then, I started taping the pain with sports tape. I called 811, an RN picked up and told me to get it X-rayed ASAP.

I went to a walk-in clinic on Monday and X-rayed my foot on Tuesday (day 5).

The results should be given to my family doctor and given to me within 24 hours.

I had to call my doctor to get the results, it was broken.

"undisplaced avulsion fracture" of the 1st proximal phalange of the right foot. I broke my toe!

I won't get into explaining what that all means, but the doctor told me to continue what I was doing, taping, icing, and reducing weight baring on it.

She told me to take pain killers and wear a boot if the pain is too severe, but I couldn't feel any pain by then. Sure, it hurts when I put weight on it, but I just walked on the blade of my foot and off loaded my toe. Plus, I found this sleeve to put on it to cushion my steps in my placement.

I can't believe my cramps hurt more than this, but possibly due to decrease of nerves there? who knows.

I am currently still hunting down my X-rays. Both my doctor and the walk-in don't have my X-rays! I'm determined to see it for myself, or at least, see the follow up X-ray!

Peace,
M.D.

Kick Boxing

So, boxing was a bit too boring and difficult when you fight men and you're a 5 foot something woman with no upper body strength.

I also felt a longing to kicking, since flexibility is an advantage I have and decided to join Kick boxing.

The instructor recommended I jump ahead to advanced muay thai, since I have experience in karate and I'm apparently not scared of being punched.

Day three into it, and I think I sprained my toe! I limped my way around my second placement. I also have several bruises, and quite frankly, I'm unsure if the pain in my sides are due to muscle soreness or further bruising.

The workouts are so intense, I end up wheezing for air sometimes, and by no means do I have any asthmatic condition!

God bless,
M.D.

First Clinical Placement Reflection & Review

At the hospital ward, my patients were mostly liver transplant patients, IMCU, acute care, or AKI/dialysis patients. There were also the general surgery patients that occasionally dropped by in IMCU/ step down. I spent the first couple of weeks observing and taking in the many different procedures patients underwent, the process my preceptor used to see and prioritize her patients, and assisting a little bit in mobilizations of X3 assist patients.

During my placement, I familiarized myself with charting progress notes in the form of SOAP notes. I learned a lot about my treatment options and procedures.

For a day, I observed two surgical procedures; 1) a lateral thoracotomy for a mass removal of a benign tumour. I got to hold the tumour at the end, it was bigger than the size of my fists. It looked like an organ of its own as it had blood vessels growing all around it. It was a surreal experience, and at times, I did consider if a path as a surgeon. especially since the MCAT score has been lowered as a prerequisite. It made me feel rather gloomy for a bit, but then I looked at the facts. Doctor spend a lot of time behind paper work, much like physiotherapists, and they spend more than double the time studying and in debt prior to work. I can barely handle this two year program. 2) I witnessed a VATS procedure for a pneumocotomy. I then followed the tumour to the labs and watched the pathologist cross freeze sections of a metastasized tumour. I lowkey contaminated her office with the tumour too. yikes!

Over the six weeks, I went through a radiology tour to see how patients get cast fittings for radiology treatment and watched a couple of CAT scans. I also attended two weekly rounds, liver transplant rounds and patient ward rounds.

            I spent most of the time with patients who were assist X3 and later became competent enough to lead the mobilization of an assist X4 wheel chair to bed using a hoyer lift. I feel confident using the hoyer lift and organizing lines, drains, and tubed from the sheer volume of them I had worked with. I wrote new consults for new patients, and collaborated a lot with the staff in the hospital, specially the nurses in IMCU. I visited and worked four days in the ICU with acute care patients, respiratory failure patients, etc. I saw one patient progress from ICU to IMCU to a general ward room, and I saw a couple of patients regress due to deconditioning and multiple surgical procedures. For one day, I joined another physiotherapist in the thoracic and oncology units I set up goals with a demotivated patient, in which she followed afterwards. I sat in on my CI’s liver transplant outpatient meetings, in which I noted the effects liver failure has on patients such as jaundice, unfocussed eyes, muscle wasting, etc. I’ve been exposed to a wide variety of patients and cases, except paediatrics.

            I definitely feel confident and competent in mobilizing acute care patients from stand by assist to X4 assist. I did not, however, see or use enough breathing techniques, secretion techniques, or auscultations. Also, my subjective history taking skills have a lot of room for improvement. I was told by my preceptor that my soft skills are all there, communication, professionalism, compassion, etc. and that my hard skills will take some time as I gain more experience. I would definitely recommend this placement and my preceptor for future students, because I enjoyed this placement a lot. There were so many learning opportunities, but I feel that I learned the most I can by the end of it. I do wish I could have seen even more surgical procedures, they were the best.

It also worked out beautifully that I went at 8:20 am and left at 2 pm during Ramadan! I spent a lot of time sleeping, that's for sure.

Peace,

Peace,
M.D.

2018

I have not posted anything in this year, despite it being a great year.

As I stated in Despair, between the call centre job, the job and masters' applications, volunteer, grieving, and self worthlessness I was feeling, my mental health detoriated.

I continued applying to jobs, maybe a 100 applications were sent. I got accepted into a "financial services industry" which I might discuss more in five more years.

In this job transition, a man was interested in me, but I rejected him within two weeks.

Once accepted in the new job, I quickly quit the call centre.

I learned I was an INTJ personality, which was mind blowing for me. It really helped me shape and understand who I am and normalize my behaviour and emotions.

The hard work, hours, and efficiency I put into my job earned me the position of supervisor within 6 months.

I could have gotten there faster had I been more aggressive. Something I loved in that job, was I was being so appreciated. I was encouraged to be more aggressive and assertive instead of criticized for it.

But it wasn't perfect, and it had a glass ceiling.

I learned a lot in that job. I took many skills I never thought I would learn, such as reading computer cookies, and tracking accounts and activities through these cookies. I worked in Security and Investigations and I loved that it was challenging.

I ended up teaching it to others too and getting privileges in the company.

I also travelled to Hamilton for an interview, met with an online friend and got accepted at both Masters' programs I wanted from the very first application cycle, despite being late to both interviews.

I had given up on myself, but God hadn't given up on me.

Once I got accepted in the program, I talked to the director of the company. The only person higher than him, is the CEO himself.

He let me know that I'm welcome to work part-time, a position that did not exist in the company. He told me that he was surprised and disappointed with management that I wasn't promoted already. And that he was impressed with the comments I made in the group chats.

Managers I worked with were also impressed by me, and quite shocked to discover I'm a woman (communication is done through chatting and I have a unisex name). This always made me laugh in the office as it happened several times.

I just loved being appreciated, learning new things with minimal pressure/stress, and being useful to others.

I passed the first semester in physiotherapy through the skin of my teeth. It was not easy for me, as I do not have a kin. background, nor did I do honours. 15% of the class had failed and was asked to reapply the following year, but I wasn't one of them.

The isolation I felt from my classmates during the first semester only magnified in the second. However, I passed this semester too and onto placements!

Key messages: Be yourself, shamelessly. It too, shall pass.

Peace,
M.D.

First Physiotherapy Placement

Let's just say, it was not half as stressful as the course we took.

The first placement is a cardioresp. placement. It's in acute care unit in the hospital.

I was so anxious about it that I've been dreaming of falling teeth and professors for the past couple of days, but it wasn't stressful at all.

I need to write down my objectives, hit up some errands, and stop being so pushy.


Tomorrow, we will watch Avengers: Endgame.

Peace,
M.D.

Despair

I'm absolutely miserable and stressed all the time.

My resting heart rate which was typically around 55-63 bpm is 84 bpm today. I understand part of it is the fact I'm not exercising anymore, but I can feel it elevated in my chest.

My palpitations increased due to this stress, I catch myself sighing heavily often specially since my coworker pointed it out. I've been getting heart burn quite a lot too, though that may not be related.

I can't say it's like the MCAT days...because it isn't. But it's applications seasons. Focussing heavily on physiotherapy and orthoptics. Though, between the two, I'm honestly not sure which I would enjoy more. I think orthoptics.

I decided I will have to ask to be put on part time starting next year. If they refuse, then I'll hand in my resignation letter.

My mom and sis are travelling tomorrow. So, I will most likely be cooking again and maybe cleaning.

The GRE is on Monday. Did I study for it? hah! Do I have a shot? HAHA!

I actually cry a lot too. I haven't cried a lot lately, this month and the one prior, but this Monday I went to career counselling, I cried three times in her office that she recommended I see an actual counsellor.

I'm no longer grieving over the MCAT, but I feel like I'm in a pit of despair. No time to hang out with the friends I still have here, no time for myself, no career, no good job, not in any program.

The only pro I have is that I saved $3,000 this year, but that's it.

That's all I have done. All that I accomplished this year. Pitiful.

First Full-time Job

I hate it.

I hate not seeing my friends on a weekly basis.

I hate not having enough time to even talk to my online friends. I hate that I don't have time to do anything.

I haven't worked on my youtube channel, I haven't been cleaning properly, I haven't been able to apply to jobs.

My only escape is the mangas I read, and I keep running out.

I switched to Kafka recently, but he turns out to be a zionist.

Which makes me further hate my job, because of all the cognitive dissonance. It conflicts with the fact that I'm not supposed to be selling alcohol!!!

I'm trying to donate all the money associated with it. kaffara. repentance for my sins.

I hope I can get accepted into the writing centre. It's a mere part time job, but if I can just get that, I will be able to quit this job. I can't do this one. I can't keep supporting selling of alcohol, and commuting with zionist customers that tell me their credit card is "israeli" and buy sabra hummus when it's clearly arabic food.

I hate it.

I hate how isolated work is when there's a queue. I hate that I'm not always confidant with what I say or do in this job.

I want something better. I want to support local, support muslims, support arabs.

I want to teach and benefit others. I want to be respected in my job and not have to get yelled at every other day.

I honestly hate volunteering too. It's becoming a job that I don't get paid for. It's becoming a chore. I have to attend meetings, have to help out. Yet, I feel useless in these volunteer tasks.

I hate feeling useless.

I want to make a difference in someone's life.

I want to have more than 2 hours a day to myself.

Bees

This Tuesday, my one day off for the week, I got stung on the eye by a bee!


Yep!

I was facepainting the deck when my sister screamed and ran indoors.

I figured she was scared of the bee that was now hovering in front of my face. I stood still, and it got in my hijab.

panicked by the buzzing, I threw my hijab and glasses off. When I felt it pinch at my eye,  I jumped off the 6 foot ladder. I looked at the dizzies bee on the ground before another one appeared.

I just ran indoors not wanting to be swarmed.

and it fucking followed me to the bathroom. I saw it resting on my pocket in which I brushed it off and closed the bathroom behind me, trapping it in there.

Apparently my sister had grabbed the bee and it stung her hand in response.  This is why the bees attacked me as well.


Now I know, I'm not allergic to bees.

Raccoons and bees

Got stung by a bee on the eye yesterday while painting the deck..

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Today I meet a raccoon for the very first time.


I am just...confused and tired from a long day. Shall update about this later.

On Call

First day on the floor of full time job. I'm pooped.

I've got two screamers already, quite unreasonable bunch. People have told me that I have had some bad luck.

Let's go back in time for the rest of the day because I'm tired for several reasons.

I went to see my friend who's leaving to BC tomorrow and help her out with some stuff and pick up some good items.

Ended up taking a small heater, a cute blanket, lots of nail polish, bed cover thingers, some heeled boots and a car snow scraper. I took a bunch of other things but those are my most valued items I took today. Yesterday I took a few pieces too which were really great.

I do feel bad for not paying her and not giving her a gift or even paying for her lunch at Sushi Nami. I was planning on doing so but she ordered ramen made of pork and I felt bad. I did pay for the dessert at DQ's though. But that wasn't nearly enough.

I think I will get her a Skagen watch for her birthday. Should be coming up soon!

I helped her pack a box to give to Value Village then drove her to get her license renewed but we both ended up wasting our time there. bleh!

She wasn't able to give me her research assistant job with Jones because Jones said she doesn't need any assistance for the next month. So.....bummer! I wanted more moneys.

Anyways, it was just really sad. I hate that she's leaving. I have never had such great friends until university and now they're upgrading in life and moving on and it just upsets me a bit. At the same time I am happy for them and wish them the best of luck.

I was 15 minutes late to work, no service to contact them either. Got right on there in calls. I don't know how I'm functioning, I'm so tired. It's just ...half are normal people, the other half are just a bunch of weirdos. Like I said, I got two screamers, and my last person was a rambler. I can't say I heard half of it.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!


Peace,
MD